


Kissing a Fool

by Sonny



Series: The Trilogy [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Alternating, Romance, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-25
Updated: 2003-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-13 14:23:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after Road Trip to New York but before Michael's 30th Birthday in Season One. HAL innocently remarked about Michael being "jealous" that Lindsay could give Brian a child. Started a bug in my ear that steadily grew into a shameful, nasty virus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Praise for delicious_on_toast/Kris, for her unending support of my drivel and Paula/pellsfan for dropping everything to beta that drivel and lend a newbie a hand. Thanks for being there! To all my new, fellow B/M Yahoo Group members who never tire of supporting us writers who allow them a "third" eye into the B/M world. Bless you all!

 

I can't sleep. I am so fucking tired my eyes are drooping every two seconds. My eyelids won't even stay shut. Why am I so worried, you ask? The fact would have to do with the warm, unsuspecting body laying, right now, by my side. My mind is jumbled with crazy thoughts and feelings I would never imagine having for another man, especially this particular one. My friend, Michael Charles Novotny. My Mikey.

Deeply asleep, the little asshole. Figures that a person of his innocent nature, so calm, confident in the world, could sleep the dream of angels. Unlike me, awake, living and rotting in a Hell of my own creation. Strange how the night had begun normally, like every other one of our lives. We planned on the usual night of hanging with the boys. I would get off of work for the evening, having made contact with Michael sometime that afternoon to arrange a time to meet. Then I would begin to seek out something, or someone, who would distract me from the problems of my complicated life.

Our nights began with a trip to Liberty Diner for a meal. Debbie, Michael's mother and owner of the dump, would wish us luck and send us off with a wet kiss on the cheek. Then the night was up to two of our main haunts, Woody's or Babylon. However the night began, we'd end up killing the rest of the night at Babylon. The haven of misfits like us. Our home away from home since we were old enough to want to drink underage and flash fake I.D.s. I was usually able to acquire a trick in the first few hours ahead of us. Sometimes the evening went well and I hooked up at Woody's, then we'd make a test run at Babylon. Other days pickings were slim and I suffered with the dregs of society in Babylon's underbelly. However my night ended, I never went home alone. Well, at least not without future prospects in the works...

*****************************************

 ****

 **The night began perfectly as usual. Dinner was short. For some reason, from a certain time in the early evening, I felt a shift in the air. A big change was heading my way, but I had no idea why I felt strongly about this fact. The rumblings in my stomach made me decide to curb the action with a game of pool with Michael and his best friend, Ted Schmidt. Michael's roommate, Emmett Honeycutt, took a stool near the rack of pool sticks and balls slurping his second cocktail of the night while relating some random piece of information. Tonight, he was telling us about a terrible gay soft core porn flick a cyber-buddy had recommended. That boy was hilarious. I would never admit this to his face. Emmett was cute in an oh-so-feminine way many gay men thrived after. Me, I liked mine beautiful and extremely macho. Not any more butch then I was, though.**

 ****

 **The conversations for the rest of the night only included Michael, Ted and Emmett, with an occasional personal interjection from me, the Peanut Gallery. I didn't talk much because I usually was off on my own, or intensely involved in something/someone more appealing. I liked to hear Ted and Emmett goad each other in their heated discussions. They were a classic comic duo playing off each other in a particular rhythm they had mastered. Often I wondered if they were ever once tempted to think about dating. Sometimes I'd glance over at Michael, share a look that brought us closer. Usually the look would entail "They're doing their shtick again." We'd both chuckle while shaking our heads in unison. I got a simple joy out of the idea Michael and I could be so connected.**

 **We were still at Woody's by ten o'clock and the fear of a Liberty Avenue drought was upon me. No prospects, yet. I was hopeful about an interesting prey off from the corner of my eye line. Michael had walked up to my side on an honest-to-God, sweet shot. I could see I only needed two more to win, but he chose to elbow me as I went for the first hit and missed. I turned to pierce his laughing face with pure fury. "Mind telling me what the hell THAT was? You made me fuck up a perfectly good shot!"**

 **Michael chuckled all too triumphantly as he motioned over to the other tables in the room. "Yeah, pool. Right. And you're gonna tell me you haven't noticed the guy staring at your ass through this entire game. He's been cruising you for the last ten minutes."**

 **"Oh, really?" I had known before Michael opened his big mouth. "What are you... my pimp?"**

 **Perched elegantly upon his high throne, Emmett swung his eyes back and forth between Brian and Hot Guy. All the beautiful ones seemed attracted to the Bad Boys. "Maybe you should think of purchasing a pool table for the loft, Brian. Could make for some very interesting action."**

 **I needed some tacky pool table in my loft like another Armani suit in my closet. "Yeah, Em, I suppose I could fit it right alongside my mahogany gun rack and the deer/moose heads on my wall. Get real!"**

 **Ted shook his head as he tallied yet another conquest out of his reach. He began to rub the end of his cue stick with the blue cube. "I wonder if Woody's rents out tables? After closing time, I suppose anything's game." Ted took a chance to glance at Hot Guy. "Good Lord, he's gorgeous." Shutting his eyes to the private pain, Ted slowly moved back to see their game of pool still in motion. "Hey, Brian, if you're not interested... least you could do is tell him about us."**

 **"Teddy, don't you know I never pick up tricks for my friends."**

 **"We're friends? When did this happen?" Both Ted and Emmett found this particularly hysterical, but Michael barely smiled.**

 **"Have at him, Schmidt. Be my guest." I couldn't allow Ted to see how much his quick barb had hurt. So I lashed out the only way I knew how. "There'll be plenty for me later on. The night's still young."**

 **Michael had a turn around the scene at Woody's. "Seems the same for this place. Did I forget to read the 'Under 21 Night' on the sign outside."**

 **I swung around the table to stand near Michael. His face turned from mine. "Don't worry, Old Man." I skimmed my hand down his cheek, attempting to pinch the skin like his Mom usually did. "You can count on me to be there to help change your diapers and wipe the drool off your face."**

 **Michael gave an evil stare Brian's way, then proceeded to bite the fleshy end of the hand near his mouth. "I'm only turning thirty. I'm not dead, yet."**

 **I pulled my hand away faking the pain. "Keep biting me like that and I'll make sure to hide your dentures. Then I'll forget to grind all your food up."**

 **Emmett sat back as he sighed heavenly, "Ah, the perks of growing older. Thank God I'm still younger then all of you. Honeycutts have always aged gracefully."**

 **I was watching Ted resume his stance. "Are you sure you don't want a chance?"**

 **"Thanks, but no thanks, pal. I don't take sloppy seconds." Ted moved around to take a shot he'd seen from a distance. He began to lose interest in Hot Guy.**

 **"Your loss..." I shrugged at how easily Ted took defeats. He really needed to find something to prop his spine with more often. At least with Michael, even Emmett, I could count on some interesting feedback, a decent ribbing or a quick joke to know things were all right.**

 **"In more ways then one." Emmett chimed in as he sadly watched Ted lose another game to Brian.**

 **Since the pool game had come to an eventual end, they all waited with bated breath to see what I would do about Hot Guy. Michael and Ted remained standing near the pool table's edge contemplating their plan for the next set. Emmett found himself a new friend who'd accidently bumped into him on the way to the little boy's room. Feeling left-out and ignored, I plopped the end of the cue stick to the floor leaning the sliver of wood over toward Michael who took up the quick offering without batting an eye. He knew where I was heading. "I'll see you boys... much later." I did a semi-fast redo of my appearance on my trek to the bar. I was needing a refresher of my drink. Graduating to much harsher alcohol then a simple beer, plus this made things less obvious that I was interested in Hot Guy. He was laid back against the long far wall near the other tables. I had given him another chance to view my backside as I leaned calmly over the counter to pick up my drink and chat a bit with the cute bartender, who I had been with months ago. Catching up on old news, I pretended to actually care what he said.**

 **I sauntered over to get closer to my prospect for the evening. Man, but he smelled fantastic. I closed my eyes to the prickly scent. Fresh, clean-cut and just-out-of-the-shower was the messages he emanated. I recognized the cologne almost immediately. I once had used the same expensive brand, but had moved on to a pricier European blend. The tight, black jeans displayed an unusual crease down the front. Spoke of either a new purchase or a tendency toward being quite anal about clothes in general. They hugged his trim hips and thighs like sleek second skin. An equally snug light-blue cotton short sleeved tunic wrapped expertly around a well-proportioned torso and abdomen.**

 **There happened to be a small zipper running halfway down the center of the material. I reached over to lightly box at the tiny bulb dangling freely. His chest took in a heavy breath. Was I really affecting him that badly? I was mixing my signals up. I had the bastard all too quickly for the type of personality he was displaying. I didn't want the chase to be over. Hell, if I'd have walked up and simply said "BOO!", I think the poor guy would have come right there in his jeans. I was a master at prolonging pleasure.**

 **Resting an arm above his head on the wall, I allowed my body heat to mesh with the intense warmth radiating from him. Those widening pupils darkened instantly then shut as he seemed to shudder internally. Too easy of a kill. "What's your name?" Slightly taller then Michael, but no more then me, I was able to lean down to blow each breath over his face.**

 **Soft blond locks were finger-combed back from a high, pale forehead beading with a thin layer of sweat. Yeah, Woody's sometimes kept the temperature a little on the lava side. Several layers of gel and pomade must be holding an incredible mane leashed. Golden eyes opened to reveal an image of warm butter poured over a bucket of popped kernels.**

 **"Does it really matter? A fuck's a fuck. What's the sense in using names?" He kept his hands held behind his backside along the wall paneling he sat on. "So, why not say your peace and let's get this over with."**

 **Oh-Kay... so something had happened on the way over. Hot Guy was suddenly losing all respect. What the hell would I get out of this? A win-win situation. No chase. No games. He looked pleased to have anyone do to him what they wanted. I started to believe that Michael may have been right. How old was this kid? "Nice attitude. Although you might wanna try and drop the cockiness before catching someone's eye. You've been watching me since I walked through the door, so don't lie. You'd very much like to fuck me."**

 **"You're giving advice on how not to be cocky?"**

 **"At my age... they call it confidence." He chose that moment to laugh directly in my face, but caught his lip to contain the noise. "Besides, before I allow anyone to even touch me, I make certain we're cordially introduced. Only to diffuse formalities and lessen the confusion should this end up in a bedroom."**

 **A dark, blond eyebrow rose in height. "Who said anything about a bed?"**

 **Great! My dick was steadily growing soft. I wasn't going to get one word of truth from this asshole. And what the fuck was this twenty question bit? "Hey, look..." I backed away holding up a hand in defense. "I apologize for bothering you." Seconds before I turned around, I felt a clenching on my arm. I noticed his Adam's Apple took a deep swallow of nervousness. There was something amiss here. The look from his intent gaze told me he had probably held up many a wall in his past. He wasn't used to this scene.**

 **"W-w-wait!" Realizing he might be hurting the muscle, he released Brian's arm and tried to smile. "Joseph. Joe, or Joey, to family. My good friends call me, Jos."**

 **When he had me in his grip, I was pulled back into close contact with him. His heart was steadily racing. I gently rubbed at the texture of the material over his heated skin. He closed his lids at the sensations. Oddly, I found myself liking this newer version of Hot Guy. His chances of working his way back into my confidence were returning. "So, do you want a quick alley way suck? Or fuck? Or is the idea of having to wait for gratification too terrifying? Could you last through a car ride?" Don't ask me why I made the offer. The poor guy reminded me of what I usually avoided. A certain naivety. He oozed many levels of untapped sexual responses. I felt that he knew how he wanted to portray himself to other men, but the execution was difficult. The follow through. Plus, even for a man as gorgeous as he was, I don't think this kind of character fit him.**

 **"Uh, I don't know... I just..." Trying to say all that was in his head, Jos's body betrayed his jumbled mind. He continued to glance a few times over Brian's shoulder to the table behind them.**

 **I noticed him paying close attention to one of the men , but I wasn't sure how to read the action. "Friends of yours?" I was too chicken to acknowledge the others in the room.**

 **"No, not really. One of them happened to pick me up earlier this evening." Damn, he didn't know how to reject a man.**

 **"This is a free country. You can do what, or whomever, you feel like." I wondered why I was even allowing the guy a way out. He was obviously engaged for the night. I guess the chance to "win" him was hard to pass.**

 **"I know. Seems unfair to have to chose, really. In truth, I'd rather take your offer. I think he's even forgotten that I'm still here." He sighed deeply hoping for a bite of sympathy. Probably anything to make the break from the other man easier. He really did enjoy the thought of leaving with Brian.**

 **Sensing the nervous energy rising off Jos, I decided I could let him down lightly. Relieve some of his tension. "Look, I do like you. I don't do other men's tricks as a rule. If I were a lesser man, I'd steal you away right now, because I think you weren't having much fun with Frat-Boy over there." My head gestured behind my back. I tried to draw closer to one of his ear drums, so only he could hear what I said. That would leave all other watching eyes wondering what I was up to. Maybe spark a bit of envy and jealousy. I lightly licked the curled rim of his right lobe and blew on the skin to make him quake. Worked like a charm. "Either me... or him. I'll leave the decision up to you. Do you know where Babylon is?" He nodded stiffly in answer. "I'll be there, but I won't wait all night." With that, I was gone from his side.**

 **I wandered over to the table Emmett was seated at and picked up my leather jacket. As I put on the clothing, I made as if to begin leaving the bar wondering if the boys would follow. Ted and Emmett were out of there as quickly as they'd arrived, while Michael lagged behind.**

 **He walked over to Brian with his jacket on his arm. "Hard sell?"**

 **"In more ways then one." I took the light material holding the jacket open for him to put his arms into.**

 **Michael zippered up as he gazed back where Jos was in the other room. "Hey, even The Maestro can't win them all. Besides, you did wait an awful long time to begin the approach. The way he was eating you up with his eyes, I don't doubt he'd follow you home." Michael shook his head still utterly shocked by the brilliance of his best friend. "Did he get a chance to tell you his name?"**

 **"Joseph, Joe, Joey... Jos." I held open the door for Michael to walk through.**

 **"Multiple choice? Nice!" He headed down the front stairs, first, to catch up with Emmett and Ted. "Did you get his number?" He turned back to let Brian reach him.**

 **"No. He was already taken."**

 **"But..." Michael spoke as if there was more to be said.**

 **"But, what?"**

 **"And you just happened to mention where we were heading for the rest of the evening?"**

 **"I could have peeked his interest a little."**

 **"A little? I felt like giving the poor kid a drooling bib." Michael looked off in the distance down the street, then returned to the conversation. "It was one of those Frat-Boys wasn't it?"**

 **"It won't last all night."**

 **"So saith The Maestro. I knew you were good, Brian, but I don't think I've ever been a witness to such mastery."**

 **"Stop calling me that. I'll get a complex... and I don't know whether to take the name as a complaint or a compliment."**

 **"Brian, he was in the palm of your hand. He wanted you. I don't think anything, or anyone, else mattered."**

 **"Funny, I do think he'll end being 'in' the palm of my hand later tonight."**

 **Michael stopped at the open entrance into Babylon. "How do... you do it?"**

 **"What? Have sex? Mikey, I'm shocked." I put a hand to my chest like Emmett.**

 **"Fuck you, Kinney!"**

 **I loved to knock Michael's Goody-Two-Shoes attitude off kilter. I never was bored around him. "In your dreams, Novotny!" We reached the bouncer at the door and I paused to let Michael pass me. He was growing pissed by the minute. "Chin up, buckaroo! I'll find you a man for tonight." I tried to chuck him under the chin, but he swiped his head away in time.**

 **"Don't do me any favors! I don't need your help." He childishly stomped by Brian and turned to pout directly in his face. "Besides, I thought you didn't trick for your friends."**

 **Such a man-child he was and adorably cute. "You're different then all the rest, Mikey. I'd do almost anything for you. Well, if you ask nicely." I spurted the words right into his ear as I was able to spank his rounded behind when he walked on by.**

 **"Eat shit and die, Kinney!"**

 **"Michael, really! Watch your language! The vulgarness that comes out of that mouth of yours..." I pretended like a wounded mother. Debbie Novotny had a pair of lips on her that ran rings around us boys. "... or that goes in it!" I shouted to him in my own voice as I caught up to him as we made our way into Babylon's inner sanctum.**

 **Once entering the dance floor, Michael and I dropped all pretense from before. Babylon was always a sight to behold. Techno, house and every kind of melodic electronic music pumped through an awesome speaker system setup. The high roofed ceiling allowed for trays of strobes and colored lighting that seemed to be programmed exactly to the beat of the music. The steady tempo gave the sea of prime male bodies an opportunity to mold and mesh any way they felt comfortable.**

 **Emmett and Ted had already grabbed a position at the crowded bar. Emmett was rattling off his choice of cocktail for the night. Ted simply held a Sam Adams as he took quick stock of what might be available for him.**

 **As Michael and I made our way over to the bar, I found myself at ease enough to wrap an arm over his shoulder and down his chest. I tucked my hand down to the left side of his abdomen. I always believed that Michael was a perfect fit, in more ways then one.**

 **"What do you want?" Michael leaned forward on the bar's counter while he let my body rest on the length of him. He reached in his pocket for the loose cash he'd stuffed away from Woody's.**

 **"Whatever you're having... and it's on me." I beat him to pulling out money and threw a bill down on the bar. I had no idea what it had been.**

 **Michael picked up the paper and stared closely at what had flown in his face. "Two Coronas." He held up two fingers in case the bartender hadn't heard him correctly. Michael reached over to grab the necks of both bottles.**

 **I felt my body fall, rearranging itself, as Michael turned to face the dance floor. I guess I was paying too much attention elsewhere. My hip fell directly on his crotch area. I saw his eyes shut as he moaned in a hush. "Sorry."**

 **Michael rolled his eyes as he took a swig of beer. He didn't need the apology. Things were a-okay as he moved his arm around Brian's waist to latch onto the belt in the back. "Story of my life."**

 **I was about to comment on his mumbling, but I could sense a pair of fine eyes observing me. I located the owner immediately as I swiveled to look out in the sea of faces. "It's been fun, kids... but Daddy's gonna have to leave you boys. I see a promising prospect."**

 **Ted laughed out loud. "Uh-oh, charm's wearing off a little." He turned to face Emmett. "What was that? Three... nah, maybe four minutes through the door?"**

 **Emmett nodded his head in response as he sipped delicately on his drink. "Might be a good thing, Teddy. Looks like a B/F Night, or worse an L/L/C..." He looked to Michael and Ted as he completed his wayward thought. "No offense, guys."**

 **Michael choked down the liquid while confusion overwhelmed him. "Mind explaining your theory, Emmetticus." He generally liked to be informed of Emmett's tendency for his own philosophies on life, like the great Greek thinkers of the world.**

 **Ted rolled his eyes as he put out a hand to stop Emmett from speaking further. "Allow me. Best Friend or Long, Lost Cousin Night."**

 **I found myself not understanding what any of Emmett's words had meant. "Yeah... that's clear as mud."**

 **Emmett cleared his throat as he went on. "You know, some Greek God named Thor Wonderfuck has a best friend he'd like to double date with... or mentions... 'I got a long lost cousin coming into town next week', so you're desperately flying about trying to find someone to suffer through the night for your sake... and the poor thing is such an ugly duckling..."**

 **Michael went to place his hand over his ear. "Enough already! Point made."**

 **I took a quick slurp of my own beer plopping the bottle on the bar. "If you all don't see me in an hour, you know where to look." I heard the collective groan from everyone. I dropped a kiss to Michael's cheek as he went for another drink of his beer. Was I really that predictable?**

 **Ted looked amidst the flourishing crowd of men. He figured out who was Brian's selection. "Remember who drove tonight, if you end up needing a ride. I don't wait for just anyone." He attempted to sound self-assured, which never worked.**

 **"Neither do I, Teddy. Neither do I." I didn't dare look at his face as I turned to leave them in my dust. I knew I had struck Ted down on so many levels.**

 **Emmett wrapped a sympathetic arm around Ted as he pouted. "Shit! Why do I think I can outwit Mr. Wordsmith Virtuoso? Serves me right." Ted leaned back against the bar to stare off in the area where Brian had disappeared.**

 **Emmett tucked his head close to Ted's ear, hoping to work him out of his self-induced misery. "Come on, Gloomy Gus. Don't let him get to you."**

 **Michael never lost sight of Brian as he went further in the mass of male flesh. "If it hadn't been you, Ted, it would have been one of us. In his element, Brian's a force to be reckoned with. Like a Hurricane Kinney warning."**

 **"Noted. Now what do we do?" Ted looked between his two best friends.**

 **The moment seemed to be void of any sparkle that had once belonged. Did they even want to be here any longer?**

 **"I say... screw them all!" Emmett turned from the bar to hold out a hand for both of his friends. He was beginning to gyrate to the familiar beat. "We still have each other. Let's pick up these lazy asses of ours, shuffle onto the dance floor . . . because, honey, I think they are playing my song!" Every song on Babylon's play list was Emmett's favorite, which meant for perpetual wallflowers like Michael and Ted many long hours spent dancing.**

 *******************************************

 **I was almost into the darkened bowels of Babylon when I happened upon a familiar face. Jos was spying in every nook and cranny open to the naked eye. He looked traumatized by what he was witnessing, if not slightly embarrassed. These were some of the old, preferred haunts of the club. You could still hear the pulsing beats from the floors above wherever you stood, although it was more muffled. The continuous vibrations managed to start anyone off on some kind of rhythm. The lighting was muted and colored on particular nights with red, or blue, hues.**

 **I spotted him before he even noticed me. I pretended to bump into him. "Oh, say!" I pointed down at his light blue shirt. "Don't we know each other?"**

 **"Hey!" Jos was pleased he'd recognized someone in this deep pit of sin. "I think I managed to safely escape. He was still at the bar when I left."**

 **"What did you do? Slip out to the boy's room?" Honestly, I had said it as a joke, but Jos's face showed that was exactly what he had done. He must have really been desperate. "Jesus Christ! Didn't you think he'd come looking for you?"**

 **Jos shook his head recalling something he had overheard during the early part of the night. "This is not their scene. I might have heard them mention they'd head over to a friend's house who was holding a party. I think we're cool.'**

 **"Yeah, Babylon's not everyone's cup of tea. I kinda get the feel like you're a First-Timer, or am I wrong?"**

 **Jos nodded his head as he kept staring. "Rumors, mostly. Word of mouth. Local chat rooms seem to like this place. No, I've never been here. Especially down here." He glanced about him nervously. "You come down here frequently."**

 **"What makes you say that?" I sounded a little defensive.**

 **"I've been walking around almost five minutes and I haven't been able to turn my head away. You, well, you've barely looked at them once."**

 **"You are a delicious piece of male flesh." I reached out to grab Jos by the hips pulling him over toward me as I leaned back against the wall. "But you know that, right?"**

 **"So my boyfriend keeps telling me."**

 **My hands dropped from his waist. Jos remained where he was as he stood his ground in confidence. Okay. Okay. My mind was rolling over his sudden blast of information. What had he just said? "You got a boyfriend? Away on business, or working late?"**

 **"Probably. We separated a few weeks ago. He believes I don't support the career he's chosen. Or trust him in basically any aspect of our lives. I do, though. He realizes that I have reasons for feeling that what he does for a living could hinder the perceptions of his faithfulness to me. I guess I don't like the issues flashed in my face constantly."**

 **"Finding other men, randomly selected, will somehow 'fix' everything?"**

 **"Sure takes my mind off the problems." Jos grinned steadily as if he was growing comfortable around Brian, despite all the sexual noises surrounding them.**

 **"Can't help but agree with that." I became fascinated by the fact I had no trouble talking to Jos, as if we had been friends for years. Last thing I needed was another trick turning into a stalker. Oddly, there was a familiarity to Jos that I was having trouble shaking. "What's your boyfriend going to think about you playing while he's away?"**

 **Jos shrugged innocently as if he was trapped in a question he wouldn't be able to supply the answer to. "I really don't know. He thinks I'm away from home at a convention. This is only my second night out, dressed this way. Sort of my own test. This might sound funny, but can I explain?"**

 **I did want to know, in truth. I wasn't going to try anything with Jos unless he was willing. He didn't appear interested in sex any longer. I had no idea whether that was a shut down to my attractiveness or something wrong with Jos and being with "another man" that wasn't his boyfriend. I would take this debacle in stride. I had the rest of the night to find other prospects. Some inner voice told me we needed to remove ourselves from these rooms. All the moaning, groaning and occasional slapping was breaking my concentration.**

 **"Take me upstairs. I'll buy you a drink. We'll talk." Had I actually let those words pass my lips? Lightning hadn't struck me down? What was wrong with me?**

 **"Cool. You'll have to lead the way."**

 **Jos allowed me to pass him through the room to head up a flight of stairs. We took each step two at a time to find a secluded area where we had access to a bar. The floor we were on had an overview of the huge dance floor. I manage to discover two empty stools side by side. I ordered a beer, for myself. Jos reached the counter in time to take a seat. "You are of age?"**

 **"Thanks, I think. I turn thirty-one in two months." Jos sat at the bar with ease. He looked like a child situating his tiny butt on the slippery material. "I hate alcohol. I'll have a soda, or water... whichever's cheaper."**

 **"Soda." The bartender and Brian shared the same choice of word.**

 **Jos took the soda as if he'd been crawling through the Sahara for weeks. "Can I ask you your name?"**

 **Chump, I think. "Brian." I took a drink of my beer and swallowed. "What does Mr. Perfect do?" I was shocked that it even mattered to me, but I was invested too much in this discussion. I would get absolutely nothing sexual from a simple talk, but Jos intrigued me. Once I got behind his facade of pretentious prick, I found I liked him. Damn, if he didn't remind me of someone in my life.**

 **"He's a stripper, but he often corrects me with 'exotic entertainer'. He didn't appreciate me laughing."**

 **I almost choked on my next swallow of liquid. Jos had a penchant for liking to disturb me. "What capacity, exactly?"**

 **"He works occasionally at a hetero-bar, called Sweets. A majority of his time is spent at a gay club, called Package. One of his old friends owns it. The guy's been branching his business out to do private parties and events."**

 **"Let me guess, more money in the gay circuit."**

 **"Exactly!" Jos sipped at his drink, then cleared his throat. "His time, lately, has been busy with Package and all the trappings this friend had set him up for. I've barely had him to myself. I don't mean to sound jealous, but I kind of gave him an ultimatum." He looked down at the bar at a loss to how he had gotten his personal life so screwed up. "The dancing or me?"**

 **"I can figure out how that went over."**

 **"I pretended to be 'happy' that he was actually taking initiative into a career, like I had, but leaving me in the dust wasn't one of the options. Not that he cheats on me, but the opportunities that are lying in front of him are too tempting even for the most faithful of our breed. What's left for me? Look at what he has to come home to. Why does he want a relationship with me when he has richer, sexier men vying for him all day?"**

 **"You looked in the mirror lately?" I was amazed by the unselfish qualities in a man who look as gorgeous as Jos.**

 **"Oh! I forgot!" Jos slapped at his forehead in a ridiculous manner that sounded like it hurt. He glanced down at his clothes as if he was wearing a normal casual outfit. "I don't look this way all the time. I'm usually comfortable in blue jeans and a t-shirt. I discovered a few things Matt left in our closet after he left. I'm a comic book editor by trade."**

 **I shouldn't have been surprised, but he managed to shock me again. "You gotta be shittin' me!" If only Michael were here. Never hurt to ask. "Heard of Captain Astro?"**

 **All color dropped out of Jos's face and his eyes glittered the way Michael's did when he unearthed a particular issue of his treasured comic collection. My moment of epiphany began to arise. I deduced who I was reminded of while talking with Jos. Michael. Jesus, the likeness had been staring directly in my face. I had been oblivious to any reasoning to the feeling. I swallowed another swig of beer with difficulty, because suddenly I wondered something else. If Jos looked this sexy, but in the off-hours at work looked like Michael in jeans and a t-shirt... was that telling me of a secret attraction to Michael?**

 **"Christ! I grew up with Captain Astro. I can't believe you're a fan, too."**

 **"I'm not. I know someone who is, though." I didn't dare invite the outcome of my statement. I wasn't prepared to face the frightening realization of hidden aches.**

 **"Really? Is he here? Right now?" Jos's pupils dilated at the very thought of meeting a fellow fanatic of their common faithful super hero.**

 **"Give me a few minutes to grab his attention. He's probably on the floor below." I paced over to the railing's edge overlooking the crowd of dancers. My eyes scattered about to see if I could spot him. Everything was lost in one blob. Then it hit me. Find Emmett. Michael couldn't be far from him. BINGO!**

 **I cupped a hand around my mouth. "Mikey! Mikey!" I yelled down in his direction as he continued to grind his backside against a nicely packed Hottie who appeared to take a liking for the material of Michael's shirt. My mouth tightened at a sudden rush of jealousy. Where the fuck was that coming from? "Novotny!" Michael's head went to swivel as the Hottie pointed me out. I had him finally in my gaze. He smirked up at me, in slow ease, as the Hottie clasped him closer speaking directly into his ear. I motioned for him to come up. Michael shook his head in decline. I could only assume he was feeling frisky. I was close to sending him a single finger message when I watched him try to detach himself from the other man. He hadn't been talking to me.**

 **~~TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Michael managed to peel the strong arms from around his slim frame ending the grope-fest early. He moved through the throng of sweaty bodies to find Emmett and whisper in his ear where he would be. He took off in a strange euphoria.**

 **I eyeballed him in his quick trek to where I stood waiting for him. I took simple joy in his crazy antics. He was looking for an easy way to come through the aisles of male flesh and avoid hitting every body he came in contact with. When he picked up a danceable rhythm to walking, I thought he was pure comic genius. I relaxed an arm along the railing as I stupidly giggled at him.**

 **Michael was almost out of breath when he finally landed at Brian's side. Brian had to make a mad grab for Michael's twirling body to steady the swirling as he squeezed through his last crowd of people.**

 **Damn! When had Michael begun to smell so good? I shook my head back into focus. I tucked him under my arm, clutched to my hip, as we walked back to where Jos was seated. Michael was confused to say the least. I saw a sad look pop into his eyes as he began to recognize the man from Woody's.**

 **Jos climbed down off the stool in eager anticipation. "I hear you're a Captain Astro fan."**

 **Michael peeked at Brian. What the hell kind of "kink" was he into? "Yeah. What of it?" He nearly sneered at the other man. He wouldn't stand for being made fun of.**

 **I broke into the conversation fearing Michael misunderstood. "Mikey, this is Jos. Jos is a comic book editor. He grew up with Captain Astro, too." I tried to sound chipper, but the words came out trite and forced.**

 **"You gotta be shittin' me?!" Michael's wonderment couldn't be contained.**

 **Jos grinned wide at the similar comment. "Brian said the same exact thing!"**

 **"Unfortunately, a few quirks about him have rubbed off on me." Michael shuffled about to worm at least one arm out to offer Jos. "Name's Michael. Nice to meet you. What comic do you edit for?"**

 **"Full-time is Dragon City." Jos liked the strong handshake from Michael, then loved the shine to his eyes as he went on to speak. "My personal time, lately, has been spent helping a high school buddy of mine. A bit of freelance drawing and writing. Avengers For Sale is Charlie's baby." Jos released Michael's hand as the fascination settled slowly over Michael.**

 **Michael almost fainted, but Brian was there to hold strong to his trim waist. "Charles Brixton is your friend?" He slowly moved to take the empty stool Brian had placed in front of them. "That must mean you're J.B. Webor!" Jos had to take all Michael said in as he nodded to confirm each statement. "Oh Shit! Give me a second to recover."**

 **Jos glanced at Brian. "I'm impressed. He knows his business."**

 **I frowned at the way Jos sounded a little bit enraptured by Michael. "Comics are what keeps Mikey breathing."**

 **"Most avid comic book fans don't bother learning much about the Independents. Too many chances of burning out early and the series ending. They don't want to invest the love. Charlie had a good run with Marvel, but something burned in him to go out and do what he'd always dreamed. He saw how good I had it with Dragon City and wondered if I'd walk him through the paces until he's on his feet."**

 **"This is fucking amazing! Outside of Astro and my X-men collection, Dragon City is a close third. Is it possible... ?" Michael soon became the shy, introverted fan of many years. "Nah. Never mind. It's stupid."**

 **"Go ahead, Mikey. He won't bite." I bent my mouth to Michael's earlobe. I felt the shiver run down his back. Wait! Was that from me, or the comics?**

 **Jos chuckled to himself as he thoroughly enjoyed the play between these two friends. He was reminded of how he and Matt met. How they never noticed the deep feelings for one another until they had them pointed out by someone else. The same thing seemed to be happening here. "Don't be nervous. I know what it's like on both sides. When I first met Stan Lee, I could barely say one word. I just kind of made sounds. I think I know what Michael would like to ask... but I'll do you one better, what are your plans for the weekend?"**

 **"Uh, rearrange my sock drawer?" Michael watched both men laugh wholeheartedly. "What? Is it wrong for me to be Feng Shui about my delicates?"**

 **Jos was enjoying the night more then he expected. "Michael, I have a comic book convention I'm supposed to speak at. Make a quick appearance for autographs. I'd love for you to join me. I hear this one has the largest, if not the most expensive, Captain Astro collection on display. You know, one fan for another."**

 **"Jesus! Hold me, Brian, I think I'm gonna pass out." Michael would have fallen had Brian not been there using his chest to prop him up. Brian also placed an arm along the bar railing in case Michael needed a sturdier hold on something.**

 **I was trying not to burst with laughter at his Emmett-like rants of fainting spells. To some, his deep love for comics bordered on pathetic, and sad, but there was so much more to him. I did admire that he could find a particular moral code in a fictional character. Michael was heavily devoted to the Captain while I was jealous by the mere idea of a super hero creating such emotion. Who looked pathetic now?**

 **"Breathe, Mikey. Breathe." I petted the back of his head gently smoothing the ruffled, wet locks back into position.**

 **"Oh, Jos... shit, yeah! I'd love to join you. I don't want to rain on your parade or nothing."**

 **"Are you kidding me? I think it's much better to go as a fan then as a creator. And what would I look like letting down a fellow Astro fan? Maybe , if we leave early enough, I could swing you by the offices. Help us out with the next issue of Dragon City."**

 **Michael put a hand up to his mouth. "Fuck! Now you're trying to make me cry." Tears were really pooling in his eyes as Brian leaned over to place a tender kiss on the side of his face. Almost like an attentive lover soothing his mate.**

 **"Remember where we are, Mikey. Little control here." I was embarrassed for Michael. I didn't want anyone nearby to notice his emotional state. I never liked him in tears, but I was ecstatic for him that Jos was being so generous. I knew Michael would have fun. I had gone to many comic conventions with him to know we usually had the best times of our lives there. This time was without me... and he was stealing my trick right from under me. Sneaky bastard.**

 **"Right." Sniff. "I'm sorry." Another sniff. "Excuse me, Jos." Michael made a grab for the bar napkin Brian held out to him.**

 **"No problem. Take your time."**

 **"Are you sure about this?" Michael glanced between Brian and Jos. "What about you and Bri-... ?"**

 **Jos grinned sheepishly as if he didn't have any idea of what Michael was asking about. "What about Brian?"**

 **I was knocked senseless by Michael's concern for my happiness. I'd have taken Jos up on his offer and forgotten about Michael. That's me, this was Michael. "Don't worry about me. Go. Have fun."**

 **"You sure?" Michael had to turn his body awkwardly to get a good look into Brian's face. "I thought... "**

 **That's when it dawned on Jos what Michael had meant. "Mike, Brian and I pacified that idea ages ago. I think we've both gotten all that's needed. Right?" He smiled over at Brian hoping to get an agreement out of him.**

 **"Over-n-done. Seconds ago." I was at a loss as to how to really explain what I felt. "Out of my own curiosity, what were you trying to 'test' for yourself?"**

 **"I never looked at our life from Matt's side. What he's had to go through each night. I don't think a moment goes by that some John Doe isn't making an offer on the table. He chooses not to. I didn't really understand what he was having to endure every night. The thought of nonstop male attention. Men telling you how beautiful and sexy you are knowing full well they might be using you to get off on their fantasy. Like you don't matter in the world. Plus, I think maybe my wardrobe needed updating. Friends were always telling me if only I changed this-n-that about me, I would feel more confident about myself. Two days into this and all I feel is foolish for allowing my mind to rule my heart. Matt's left a few messages on the machine, wanting to talk things over. I couldn't face him unless I knew what I was asking of him. He's a better man then I am. I see him with a new set of eyes." Jos stared heavily into his soda. "I just love the prick... no matter what he chooses to do." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Shit! Now, I'm about to cry!"**

 **Without even understanding half the conversation, Michael reached a hand over to touch Jos on the arm. "Jos, be happy that you actually have someone to come home to who seems to want you just as much. Don't let that fact slip your mind." He handed Jos a bar napkin to use.**

 **In that very instant, I felt compelled to kiss Michael Novotny senseless. This was the reason I loved my friend. Strangers were only friends he hadn't met. I admired the ease and confidence he had around other people. Where I was snappy, judgmental and rude, Michael came in soothing people's feelings and catering to their basic human needs. Leave it to him to make an awkward situation feel natural. "Are you gonna stay awhile?' I peeked over at Jos in the middle of finishing off his soda. "We could..."**

 **"Nah. Thanks anyway. I've been thinking about making a final trip to another club." He got up from his stool showing Brian a friendly hand to shake. After finishing the move, his hand went to the back pocket of his jeans. Jos pulled out a white card that contained all information Michael would need to contact him. He cleared his throat to finish his thought, "Call me at the office on Friday. We'll set up a time to meet Saturday. The convention is in Philly. I'll need to be there early, so I was going to leave at, or around, ten in the morning."**

 **Looking at the card as a prospective collector piece, Michael held the textured paper tightly to his chest. "This is so rad of you, Jos. I'm stoked. I can't thank you enough."**

 **Jos made a face that spoke more volumes then words. "I hate these venues. I even hate going to them alone. I won't mind the company, 'cause I think we'll have plenty to talk about." He winked at Michael in secret code of their love for Captain Astro. "You take care, boys." Jos left them with his quick exit with a lightness to his step.**

 **Michael and I watched Jos disappear from our line of vision as he was sucked up into the crowds of men surrounding us. I had to drag over the vacant stool that was once Jos's. "So... what are your plans for the rest of the evening?"**

 **"Uh, oh. Did I just steal your man? I am so sorry." Michael didn't really sound upset by what he had done. He actually sounded pleased over his silent victory.**

 **I swigged back the last of the cooling beer. "Doesn't matter. Jos already had a steady. 'Sides, I wasn't into him in the first place."**

 **"Yeah. I got that feeling by the entire show at Woody's. Maybe, for once, you didn't want to be the other woman."**

 **"Shit no. I know when to lay off. I have more pride then to be someone's door prize,"**

 **"Hmm... pride and Brian Kinney... not exactly two words that share space in the same sentence often."**

 **"Shut up, Mikey." I couldn't bear to hear him rag on me. I was trying to get over the fact that I had noticed the way Jos had winked at Michael. Despite the nuance of getting back with his boyfriend, Jos was still a single man. A man who had a few common interests with Michael. I wasn't able to let go of the amount of hours they could spend together, without me.**

 **"No. Really. I gotta say this out loud. 'Cause it needs repeating... I-am-proud-of-you!"**

 **Now, I didn't want him to get all mushy with me at a bar in a club where people would see us. "I told you to shut up."**

 **"I won't. You took the upper hand. You forgot about you and paid another human being some attention. Quite endearing, Brian, I must say." Michael was about to reach out a hand to caress Brian's cheek when the hand was snatched right in the air.**

 **"Did I fucking stutter?" I wasn't about to let Michael off the hook. He was annoying like this when he played on my secret identity in front of other people. "I thought I told you to shut up!"**

 **"Brian Kinney is a very nice man! A sweetheart!" Michael was about to stand on the foot rests of the stool to make his proclamation even louder, but was held down to the counter of the bar with Brian's forceful grip on his wrist.**

 **"I guess you don't hear properly unless I show you!" I wasn't going to put up with his smart ass attitude for much longer. Watching his mouth with those particular words coming out of them was beginning to piss me off.**

 **So, I did it. I literally came at his lips pinning him to the surface of the bar. I rushed at him off the stool nearly sending it spinning on its axis. We knocked a few bottles and drinks off the counter as the roughhousing got messy. I had meant to find a quick fix to shut him up, but found I was starting something between us that I was desperate for. I was ravaging his full, delectable lips to my own pulsating ones as I shaped his head in between my shaking hands. Shit, I discovered I had been slightly holding back pent up sexual frustration from zeroing in on Jos at Woody's. I had to have an outlet of some kind, but by using Michael so brazenly felt bizarre and a little exotic. A taste of something fascinating and new. In all seriousness, I didn't regret what I had begun and the change didn't feel wrong.**

 **I lowered my hands to rest on either side of him gripping the railing along the outside of the bar. Michael had been taken aback by my sudden attack that his hands had no where to go but up in the air. They both eventually came to rest on my heaving chest. I needed him to touch me badly, just to know if he was feeling some of the same sensations. I wasn't shocked that I didn't have to wait too long. Our mouths were still locked, but I had lessened the pressure until the moment his fingertips squeezed my pectoral muscles. I meshed our lips tighter once his hands fell to the span of my waist. A few of his fingers slipped under my soaked shirt where naked flesh was exposed. I fed on him like a hungry lion to his next juicy meal. He tasted sumptuous... mint-y and fresh.**

 **Without any prodding, he released his touch from my abdomen to crawl back up my chest from the sides to grab for the outline of my jaw. He began to soothe the signs of stubble appearing on my skin. Instinctively, my hips pushed him flat against the face of the bar. Fuck, I was a complete wreck and about ready to tear the clothes off of my friend. I liked the manhandling, but it was his soft, gentle actions that sent me spinning. I had only wanted to teach him a lesson, but found that I opened a new door for us. A door that had always been there, but never unlocked. Did I dare?**

 **********************************

 **Michael was the one who broke us apart. He practically wrenched his lips from mine. I was breathing heavily into his face, spurts of air fluttered over his spikes. My chest expanded over his huddled frame on the stool. I hung onto the railing unsure if I would ever be able to stand on my own two feet. He could barely look me directly in the eye as I continued to stare at him. I was attempting to find a way to explain myself. This small taste of him had been the conjurer of dormant feelings laying inside. I was certain, by his non reaction, he was just as surprised.**

 **"Jesus, Brian. Why did you go and do that?" Michael sounded hurt and betrayed as he wiped weakly at his swollen lips, sure he would find traces of blood. He had no idea Brian could be such an animal. He had almost lost his balance off the stool, but Brian's arms caged him in. This moment had been a dream once thought impossible. The undeniable, devoted attention was finally all Michael's to partake. Only he wondered how long this was going to last.**

 **"Shut you up, didn't it?"**

 **Michael shook his head saddened by Brian's cynical answer. "Don't be an asshole."**

 **I found I definitely could stand on my own, but my knees were slightly wobbly. I tried to distance myself from Michael and the heat radiating between our drenched bodies. "Mission accomplished."**

 **"Go to hell, you prick!" Michael was about ready to make a break for escape, but Brian held strongly to his arms.**

 **"I won't go without you, Mikey." I forced my face toward him in hopes that he'd put up with my shitty ways, like always.**

 **"Ha! Fat chance of that."**

 **"You're so pure and pious... without any sin... ?"**

 **"Sheesh! I didn't say that. Our entire lives are a fucking sin. I know my way to hell has already been booked, but you'll be there long before I am."**

 **I was intrigued by his theories, which usually gave us a laugh. "Why do you say that?"**

 **"Your sins far outweigh mine. Can you tell me the amount of men you've been to bed with all the years of our friendship?" Michael sat back placing his elbows on the counter to find out if their memories matched.**

 **"Bed being the figurative word... I'd say less then fifty."**

 **Michael rolled his eyes at Brian's casual way of trying to worm out of an uncomfortable situation. "Okay, then let's say,... how many men have you fucked?"**

 **"Ball park figure?"**

 **"That's a good start." Michael's arms came down to cross over his chest. This explanation was going to be interesting.**

 **"Can't possibly count them in one sitting. Why the hell are we even talking about this shit, Mikey?" I was growing unsettled by his blatant attempt to goad me into some reaction.**

 **"I'll do it for you. I would have to say that the amount of men you have fucked could fill the stadium of a minor league baseball team."**

 **"Props for the sports reference, but I have to say you are way off. More like a little league stadium." Michael's assumptions to my sex life were warped.**

 **"Remember little league isn't played in a stadium, they use bleachers. You'd have people overflowing into the parking lot."**

 **I knew Michael was frustrated by something to do with me and sex, but what it was escaped me. It was slightly disturbing. Where did he plan on going with his point? And why was he suddenly so preoccupied with the number of men I'd been with in the past? "Do you have something to share with the class, Mikey?"**

 **"For one thing, your insight into your own life is twisted and second... if you have any ounce of heart left inside that selfish body of yours, don't make me one of two billion sold. I refuse to be just another casual one night stand. No matter how good of a kisser you are, I would hope you think better of me."**

 **Speechless was what I became. To think that he could imagine I'd write him off like any other easy trick I picked up in the night. I'd rip my own fucking heart out before I caused him any unnecessary pain. Jesus, hadn't I been doing just that very thing for the past sixteen years? Putting my own life in front of his in order to protect him from harm. Michael tended to see too straight of a line when it came to our feelings for each other. I was angered that he would think I had that much of a one track mind. There were occasions where I refused to place my body where I felt no respect. I could stop like normal people. "If I was doing anything at all, Mikey, I was doing you a favor. Shit, you know better then to believe I'd allow anything between us to..." I didn't dare complete my own thought. "I care for you too much. More then you think I do. Probably even more then I do my own self. I'd never intentionally set out to demean, or disrespect, what we have."**

 **"What do we have?" Michael asked the question so softly Brian had to push his face closer to make sure he heard the words. He grew silent when no reply came. The air inside Babylon was becoming stifling. "Can we just find Ted and Emmett? I don't feel like being here any longer." He plopped down off the stool making his way beyond Brian hoping for a reprieve. Michael wanted to continue whatever had been started between them and secretly wished that Brian felt compelled to follow wanting the same.**

 **Damn! I was traipsing after Michael like a gleeful puppy to its master. I was in no way pleased with how the evening was turning out. If I slacked on picking up the pace, I'd lose sight of his dark head amongst the sea of flowing bodies. I had no further intentions on any other conquest for the night. My eyes and head were linked directly on a path toward my friend.**

 **Michael easily spotted Emmett on the floor. Whispering close to an available ear, he made a calm request to leave. In seconds flat, Emmett was splitting his gaze between Michael and Brian. He deduced that the party was slowly coming to a close, for him, as well. He whistled over to Ted who was hiding in a dark corner nursing a bottled water admiring all the beautiful people.**

 **I had no ability to correct the harm I had inflicted and no manner in which to voice my troubles to the guys without hurting Michael more. The air was crisp and growing chilled when we all exited Babylon. The streets were crowded with the normal traffic for Liberty Avenue on any weekday this time of the night.**

 **Emmett and Ted carried the conversation, ahead of us, always turning back to include Michael in for a quick opinion. I straggled behind barely keeping up steps with Michael as we passed a brick wall lined with young Pretty Boys looking to score. I noticed they had checked out the entire line of us, but were more intrigued by Michael. We were almost to the alleyway where Ted had parked the convertible.**

 **"Hey, cutie! Need a date?!" The group of friends found the question particularly hilarious.**

 **I stopped following Michael to turn to face them. "Excuse me?!" I was prepared to kick the shit out of any one of them.**

 **The group's spokesperson found Brian's reaction a little too risky. They hadn't meant to start a fight over nothing. "We're sorry. Thought he was someone else."**

 **Michael couldn't help feeling that the fact was false. The ploy was supposed to pique his interest. The Pretty Boys reminded him too much of a passel of Brian wannabes. One was enough. "Are you sure?" He advanced closer a few steps from where he'd been before. Brian reached out to grab his biceps.**

 **"Michael." My preventive approach only worked half way. "Drop it. No harm, no foul." I wanted to get us far away from the other men.**

 **Michael placed a hand on Brian's chest to gently push him back. "Wait. I'm curious." He attempted to prove he wasn't going to physically attack them. He was able to get as close as Brian's barricade would allow. "Hey!" The spokesperson had safely turned away before, but swiveled back around spooked by the booming voice coming from a pint-sized human. "Did you honestly find me that appealing? No joke? No pulling of my leg?"**

 **"What the fuck?" I was annoyed by Michael's insistence to perplex me.**

 **The young Pretty Boy thought over his answer nervously. "Uh, I don't know. Sort of."**

 **Michael wasn't satisfied with that response. "How do you 'sort of' do anything? You do or you don't."**

 **I had no idea why Michael was prissy. What good this would do was beyond me. "Mikey, don't get started. Let's go." I tried to pull him along with me, but his tenacity held strong. "Come on!" I was about to leave without him.**

 **"Was I actually that remotely attractive? I wanna know."**

 **The young Pretty Boy began to back up his group of friends to further their distance from Michael's approach. "Yes." He created more doubt in his hesitation to answer.**

 **"Ooo, really. That instantaneous! Un-fuckin'-believable!" Michael sounded like he didn't believe the Pretty Boy one bit. "What a waste!" He shook his head sadly as he turned to walk back toward Ted and Emmett.**

 **I truly didn't understand what he was trying to prove. I knew it had everything to do with what could have happened between us at Babylon. I jogged to catch up with his quickening pace. "Mikey!" I noticed him only slow down once he heard my voice. "Mind telling me what the hell that was back there?"**

 **"Proof."**

 **"What proof?"**

 **"How unnecessary bullshit is and how pathetic my life can be."**

 **"What bullshit? And who says your life is pathetic?"**

 **"The bullshit is that I'm really not what great looking men seek out. I'm convenient. And you tell me I'm pathetic every chance you get." Michael huddled into his own body for warmth.**

 **I came closer to wrap my arm around his shoulders. "No, you're not and I only say it because you're a natural pessimist. I'm joining in with the crowd."**

 **"Please, don't try to make me feel better. You can't help me with this." He sounded as if he was lost and wandering out in the woods.**

 **I wanted badly to do anything to make him smile again, but I knew that I could be a real shit to Michael, especially tonight. We finally caught up to Ted and Emmett who were casually waiting for us.**

 **Emmett brought his head up as he saw Michael's face. Being the consummate worrier and gossip-whore, he wanted to know what had happened. "Everything all right?"**

 **Michael climbed into the backseat behind the driver side area. "Peachy."**

 **Once Michael was safely tucked in the corner, I was getting a double dose of the Evil Eye. "What?" I couldn't fess up too much. I was floored by the way the evening was going. Rotten. I was about to move around to climb in behind Emmett's seat when Michael decided to save me the bother and scooted over. I came back around the fender of the car.**

 **Ted thought he'd help Brian on his way in by pushing down on the top of his head as he put one leg inside. "Get in, Kinney. Watch your head. And buckle up." He wanted to tease Brian as his tall frame squished under the convertible's cloth top. He patiently waited for Brian to get situated.**

 **My eyes strayed over to Michael's side of the bench seat as he continued to stare out the window away from me. What was he thinking about? I needed assurances that even if he was pissed at me that I could at least call on him the next day to make our usual plans to go out. His small, pale hand lay innocently upon the cream leather interior of the back seat. I only knew one way to reconnect with him. By simple touch.**

 **I was experienced in knowing how to manipulate another man's skin. I picked up the familiar hand in my own trembling one. Palms together, our entwined fingers rested on my lap. Not anywhere near my groin, but on the surface of my heated thigh. I brought over my other hand to caress the flesh on the top of Michael's hand. What always fascinated me, about Michael's skin, was how soft and delicate the texture was for a man.**

 **Feeling him, in this way, never failed to send a sudden chilled thrill through me, or comfort me, in the gentle contacts. Tonight was turning out to be a bust. Was I the only one with heart palpitations and an extremely heightened libido? Instead of him? Or possibly along with him? I felt compelled to make him aware I didn't see him as a piece of meat. Some random, casual trick easily disposable after one night. Forgotten about just as quickly. He is my friend, or was. For sixteen years, upon the many roads we'd traveled and weathered, the bond between us always bringing us back together. I had to be sure the friendship remained strong. I wasn't about to exit the car without it, or him.**

 **Ted figured he'd be dropping off Emmett and Michael when he pulled up to their apartment. As Emmett got out to say his goodbyes, he paused on the sidewalk waiting for his roommate to follow. Only Michael wouldn't move an inch. He didn't let go of Brian's hand, either. Instead he used the connection to tug his body closer across the leather seat pinning himself to Brian's side.**

 **"Come inside." The request was soft and quiet from Michael. He had been scared and restless since leaving Babylon. Unfinished business still hung in the air between them. The discussion needed to be held in a calm setting within a controlled environment when they could be alone together. "Please."**

 **His darkening pupils reflected such desperation that I would have granted him any wish. "Sure." The grip was hard and determined as Michael stepped out of the backseat, first. Once completely out, I peered over at Emmett as he looked us over suspiciously. I didn't know if he'd make a sly, smart crack or leave it alone. "You don't mind, do you?"**

 **Emmett was shocked that Brian was uncertain that he had to ask... and nicely, as well. Poor boy must be in the doghouse with Michael. He did care whether his friend's heart was going to be messed with, but when the situation involved Brian no one was allowed to give their opinion or ask questions. You had to give Michael the space to work with the one human being he knew better then his own self. "What do I care?" He shrugged his shoulder in wonderment. "Michael lives here, too."**

 **Michael shuffled around to use both tall men as a breeze barrier when the wind whipped around them. "Thanks, Em."**

 **"No sweat, sweetie. Let's boogie or we'll be freezing off more then our precious toes."**

 **We all made a run for the front entrance of the apartment complex in record time. I could have easily requested that Michael come back to the loft, but there was such a wide berth for rejection. I didn't want Emmett to think we were hiding, or keeping anything from him. When we entered the warm, cozy apartment, I instantly felt more relaxed and hopeful that the ending to the night wouldn't be a total disaster. Never failed that wherever Michael was, if I was near, I had a sense of "coming home". My cold, barely furnished loft did nothing for me except explain my status to the world.**

 **Once Emmett had unlocked the door and walked over the threshold, Michael chose that moment to release Brian's hand and venture off toward his bedroom. "I'm gonna change into something more cozy."**

 **I watched how quickly Michael escaped to safety beyond my reach. I could feel Emmett's eyes on me from the small kitchen as I searched for words to fill the silence. I barely moved away from the front door as I let my leather jacket slip down my arms. I fiddled nervously with the cowry shell bracelet around my wrist. Funny, I became worried about what Emmett would think of me being here. He chose to be gracious with a quick offer of hospitality.**

 **"Is there anything I can get you before I head off to bed?"**

 **"Nah. I'm fine." I couldn't find my legs to move out of the tiny foyer.**

 **"You wanna come in? Stay awhile?" Emmett found how easy it was to tease this Brian.**

 **I rolled my other wrist to look at my watch. "Aren't you tired? I'd hate for you to miss a minute of your beauty sleep."**

 **Pulling a bottle of juice from the fridge, Emmett tipped a hand to his usual friend of a few minutes. "Hon', from your lips to God's ears." He sauntered over to where Brian appeared to be hiding near the door. "I'll take your jacket." He gripped the leather loving the sound of the crinkling it made as he placed it on a nearby hook. "You boys don't stay up too late, now. Michael can be quite crabby in the mornings if he doesn't get enough sleep." Emmett felt he should reassure Brian he was safe amongst friends. The problems from tonight were theirs to cope with. Michael would easily spill the beans to him in a few days. "Night, Bri."**

 **"G'night, Emmett." I was back to feeling at ease once Emmett departed. He slowly opened the cap on his juice bottle, took a swig and lightly waved to me on the way to his bedroom. I heard the door shut and released the breath I had been holding.**

 

~~TBC... 


	3. Chapter 3

**Back in Michael's bedroom, he knew he had chickened out by bolting. This was truly going to be the only opportunity he had to gather his jumbled thoughts on how the night would progress. Brian was here, in the flesh, waiting in the living room. Probably as horny as ever from a dissatisfying chase with no aftersex. What did one do for that? Talk about meaningless memories or offer yourself on a platter? Disguise your true feelings and be the better friend or decide that this was the shining moment to jump your friend's bones, like you've wanted to do for years?**

 **Michael wanted Brian to know that even if nothing happened, except being together like the usual non-sexual manner of the past, there would be no reason for him to end their friendship. A special bond had been formed many years ago that even they couldn't explain the connection. Michael only knew if he stepped out to find Brian gone and out of his life for good, the world would take on a surreal, aimless appearance that he'd never escape from. He returned from his bedroom having changed into a plain, white cotton t-shirt and a pair of old, worn jeans. Brian had planted himself in front of a shelf leafing through an old photograph album he'd discovered.**

 **"Does it ever blow your mind to think of all the shit we've been through, and seen, together?" I had been viewing these pictures for only a couple of minutes when I realized Michael was standing directly behind me. I felt the tufts of breath on my exposed neck. He leaned his body forward to fall flush with my back. His face tucked to my shoulder blade and biceps as one arm went about my waist and the other moved to turn the pages I was unwilling to. He looked as if he'd gone to compose himself and came out of his room like an old friend of mine.**

 **Mikey. My Mikey. I liked him this way because I knew there was no bullshit with this person. I had to be truthful and willing to share every thought on topic with him. "You helped pull me through some pretty dark days in my life." I desperately needed him to know what he had meant to me. I would try my hardest not to be an asshole.**

 **Michael forgot about the album and wrapped his other arm around Brian to grip his other hand. He rocked them both in a particular rhythm in his own head. "You, as well. Without a Dad for support, you became my champion. Told me I could succeed when others found me lacking. Helped me kick a few asses in school. I was running scared before you came into my life. The weird kid who never found his niche. You grounded me. Gave me a sense of reality." Michael pressed little kisses to the material on Brian's back to stress his point. "Taught me how to defend myself when you couldn't be there."**

 **I dropped the photo album back in its place on the shelf. I reveled in his arms around me. "Yeah. That went over well with your Mom. Her little boy's adventures into the world of a rebellious youth." I reached an arm behind me to bring Michael around to my side. "Don't forget how much she and Uncle Vic helped. Wasn't just me." I was humbled when Michael talked about me. I became this super hero image he couldn't seem to shake. His comic book view of the world tended to warp his mind to the true nature of real people and the cruelness of the world. I didn't know how to let him down.**

 **"Remember when Ma confronted Robert Barker in the school cafeteria in junior high? She told him that if he didn't stop threatening me, picking on me and being an all-the-round dickhead, she'd shove her foot so far up his ass he'd be able to taste the gum on the bottom of her shoe." Michael could barely get the story out as he and Brian lost themselves in the memory. He reached up a hand to wipe the wetness from his eyes. "Man, she embarrassed me so often to the point of nausea, but now I only see it as being there for me. So supportive. I'm sort of glad she was there for you, too." He found that Brian had similar tears in the corner of his eyes so he wiped them away before they fell.**

 **What stunned me was how easily I had forgotten what Debbie had done for me those first few years of meeting her. Home left something to be desired, so I spent many a night at the Novotny household. One particular evening, I tried to make my way through the front door, using Michael as my cover. Debbie saw the sunglasses on my face and thought I was being disrespectful. I had been trying to hide a horrendous shiner to my left eye. I had to assure her Jack hadn't touched me, that I had gotten hurt at school. She wanted to know by who, when Michael felt he should explain for me. He frantically told his mother that I had punched a kid who'd been bothering him for weeks, roughed him up one day after class, but then the next day the boy's older brother showed up to beat the shit out of me.**

 **"The principal never liked me, then when he found out you were my friend... that was the end of your good run in his eyes. Debbie only came to the school because he refused to deal with the problem. What he didn't know, never bothered to find out, was you weren't the only kid Bobby was bullying. The principal wanted to expel me for fighting on school grounds. Deb came to my rescue telling him that if he thought getting rid of me was going to resolve his ineptitude for controlling his own students, then she would be sure to be up bright and early the next morning with picket signs at his front door saying 'NO QUEERS ALLOWED'. I almost choked on my gum when I saw his face get all red and sweaty. He ran scared thinking his perfectly pristine school might be harmed."**

 **"How did he ever find out?"**

 **"Mikey, I didn't care what nasty rumor spread about me in school. I had no reputation to uphold except the one I had of myself. I hung out with you because you were the only one who didn't care. You didn't fall for all the gossip. I didn't act or try to be a 'homo' around them, but I guess people talked." I kept silent after the last comment and brought Michael closer to kiss his forehead holding him within my arms.**

 **Michael's face meshed against Brian's upper chest. "Think he talked?"**

 **I shrugged and closed my eyes to sink myself into Michael's radiant warmth. I could talk about the past if he'd continue to hold me like this, like I belonged right where I was. "I don't know. I never will. Maybe his job was in jeopardy and he had to spill. I can't worry about that anymore. All I do know is that I ran into the principal, years later, in college. He must have known one of the professors on campus. Of course he made his usual assumption that I must be a flaming-homo, now. Tried his best to belittle me in front of some faculty members he was off to have lunch with. I could've cared less. I swallowed my pride, winked seductively at him and pinched his ass while saying 'I'll see you later, Howie.' as I walked on by."**

 **Michael lifted his head laughing hysterically. "You didn't?! Howie!?"**

 **"Shit, yeah, I did. Fucking prick deserved worse." Memories were going slack on me. I had thought Michael knew this particular fact. "I thought you knew that story? Or at the very least, I had told it to you."**

 **Michael rolled his eyes already pulling himself out of Brian's clasp. The wretched feeling was starting again. "That was college, Brian. That would have been Lindsay, not me." He began to tug at himself to get away from Brian. He couldn't stand being able to hear him breathe. "I would hope after all this time you could finally tell us apart. Let me go."**

 **"What is your problem? A simple mistake." I really didn't understand his need to avoid touching me.**

 **Michael hadn't meant for his comments to come out sarcastically, but it was difficult to hold in his feelings over this subject matter. Never seemed to bother Brian when he would confuse Michael Time with Lindsay Time. Michael often wondered if Brian only did this faux-pas when they were together. Did Lindsay despise Michael's name as much? "I said... let me go."**

 **Michael eased his next breath as Brian did just as he asked.**

 **I felt on edge as Michael tried to distance himself from me. "There is one definitive difference between you two... besides the obvious physical differences. There are those times you tend to be slightly more feminine then Lindsay." It always hit me deep in my belly and left a sour taste in my mouth when Michael became weird about my relationship with Lindsay. I assumed they would be the best candidates for a friendship because of their common interest being me.**

 **"Oh. Please. Enlighten me." Michael truly wanted to hear more on Brian's theory.**

 **"Lindsay gave me Sonny Boy."**

 **For a millisecond of time, Michael's jaw completely locked shut and his teeth mashed in frustration. How dare the motherfucker have the nerve... "What the fuck does that prove? Because Lindsay can bear you a child somehow she ranks higher on the friend scale then I do?. That's utter bullshit! You can be such a fucking selfish asshole, you know that Brian?"**

 **"No! Fuck you! Stop being so fucking sensitive all the time. I'm stating a plain fact that Linds is a child bearing woman, albeit a carpet muncher, but she..."**

 **"I am not a child! I know what you're saying! I don't need you to spell it out! And you don't have to do it while using that shit-eating grin as you rub it in!"**

 **"Oh-Kay! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Michael had never become this agitated by an innocent comment concerning Lindsay and him before. Why was this time so different? He was blowing my one little sentence all out of proportion. I knew he absolutely adored Gus, maybe had even grown to love him, so the anger wasn't toward my son. Where was the jealousy coming from? "I am not rubbing in anything! Jesus, get a fucking grip! What's so terrible about Linds bearing children?" Had Michael harbored hate in his heart all this time? Pretending only to like Lindsay because she was Gus's mother? I thought he had understood that she would always be a part of my life, baby or no baby.**

 **"I don't know." Michael paced to the sofa pouting like a small child. He plopped down on the soft cushions to complete his look as he pulled his legs to his burning chest. What was wrong with him? "I can only say it's just one more question to why you still find me interesting to be around after all these years." Michael's real reason for the blowout was safely tucked away. Nearly one year ago, Lindsay and Melanie had come to Brian. Through months of discussions and planning over every option, who would be the "father" of their child had come down to one. Brian. Michael had been immediately crushed by the news, but then belatedly happy for his best friend and the chance to have a son bear his name. The fact that Gus had been too adorable made his heartache all the more insignificant. Michael almost hated to voice what he was going through inside. There was only one person holding back his complete happiness. "Can you even fathom the depths of my feelings for you?"**

 **I was unable to move away from the shelf as I leaned against its structure. I couldn't see Michael's face when I heard the faint question muttered through the air. Oh, Lord! Mushy Time was underway. "I think I can get some idea by the way you're over-reacting."**

 **"Over-reacting?! That's rich. Brilliant! Coming from someone who doesn't know how to  
feel at all! I've been holding back for you all these years... allowing you to flaunt every Todd, Dick and Harry in my face..."**

 **"Whoa! Now, hold on! Before we cloud the air with name calling, can we go back to what offends you about Lindsay?" I wasn't going to allow him to hide any longer. I paced to the other side of the couch, opposite Michael, near the edge of the arm rest. I was growing frustrated because he refused to answer the one simple question on the table.**

 **Michael inhaled a deep breath, then exhaled before he turned sideways to face Brian directly. One leg dangled down to the floor while he folded the other under him. He was deciding to voice his inner emotions. Would Brian even care anymore? Michael felt he had to take a chance or the courage would leave him later on. Some harsh truths were about to be revealed. "Not just a child, Brian. Your child. Lindsay could give you Gus. Your pride and joy. A beloved son to carry on the Kinney legacy. If you wanted, she'd be able to give you more then one... where does that leave me? If there was ever going to be a future to us, a deeper relationship, what would there be for me to give you that could ever match what she's done? How can I compete?"**

 **"Compete?! Michael, I'm not..." I don't think this was what should have come out of my mouth. He was talking in riddles or my mind was still lost in sexual frustration, but the answer still wasn't clear to me. I didn't even know what direction he was trying to take this conversation.**

 **Once Michael realized he'd literally opened his heart to Brian for the first time and that what he had said went right over his beautiful head, Michael knew he couldn't remain in the room any longer. He was exhausted. Not only from the hard day he'd labored in at work, but for the effort he always used on nights out with Brian. "Look, we've obviously dragged the last hour out of this day. I'm getting tired. My mind's fuzzy all of a sudden. I'll slip away quietly, like I usually do. You can forget this night ever happened. Believe me, I've mastered that technique over the years." With the weight of the world on his weakening shoulders, Michael placed both his sock-covered feet on the hardwood floor preparing to stand. "You can stay, Brian, if you want. Feel like leaving, call yourself a cab. I'm too sleepy to argue with you any more." He stood slowly and turned to Brian with a look of such bleakness. After a quiet wave, he closed his eyes hiding his breaking heart and gave a slight grin to express the surface joy. Michael stepped with one foot in front of the other on his way toward the doors of his bedroom. Upon getting behind the door panels, he reached to shut them softly.**

 **What in the hell had just happened? I swiveled to place my butt on the arm of the sofa. I was dumbfounded, utterly alone in confusion over the rash behavior of my friend. Where had all that anger come from? Had he been hiding it all this time? And why reveal it now? Why had Michael given up so easily?**

 **"Brian?"**

 **I heard my name called fondly in the room. I turned to see if Michael had come out, but discovered his room remained closed. I slunk my head back around to find Emmett silhouetted in his doorway. He was leaning confidently against the doorframe, arms flexed and crossed over his chest waiting for me to spot him. "Hey, Em. What's up?"**

 **"Nuthin'. I couldn't help overhearing."**

 **"Sorry. Did we wake you up?" I wasn't really apologizing, but it sounded nice to do even if it wasn't to Michael.**

 **Emmett chuckled lightly as he scratched at his hairline. "Apartment's always had thin walls. Not your fault. Actually had a choice of you two, or the man upstairs who thinks he's Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers." He wiped at the sleep in his eyes.**

 **"Slightly open door sounds better to me." I was shocked to witness in his bedroom attire Emmett was quite subdued and approachable. A grey cotton Queens College t-shirt with dark plaid flannel drawstring pants tied around his trim waist. He looked adorable.**

 **Emmett laughed a little louder, then remembered why he'd chosen to come out of his room. He kept the chant going in his head "This is for Michael. This is for Michael." as he moved to confront Brian. He cleared his throat to begin the discussion. "Would you mind a bit of insight, honey? Some much needed advice?"**

 **I was speechless. Did everyone get overtaken by pod people tonight? "Now, what's wrong with you?"**

 **"What do you mean?"**

 **"Do you realize you're being nice to me? And Michael's no where to be found. You're never nice to me on your own." The fact simply amazed me.**

 **Emmett wasn't impressed with the observation. No wonder Michael was pissed. "I'm in the middle of a deep REM sleep, no Michael Stipe to be found, and I thought I'd be kind and come out here to help you down the long and winding road."**

 **"Oh-Kay, Sgt. Pepper!"**

 **Emmett couldn't help the sly grin that slipped out at Brian's odd humor. "Soak this up while you can... you prick!"**

 **"Ah-Ha! There's my love!"**

 **"God, Brian, the level of passion between you two is scorching!"**

 **"What?" I had no idea what he was getting at. Before I made Emmett bolt, as well, I thought I should buckle down and play calm, cool and collected.**

 **"I saw you two at Babylon, Brian. In the car. On the way here. I'm only telling you what everyone else sees, but you. Think of that awesome history you share. You've been there for each other through some pretty tough, shitty times. A lot of friendships wither away and die. Believe me, I know. No matter the circumstances, can't you count on him being there? Could you find that kind of selfless devotion anywhere else?"**

 **"I know what you're saying, Emmett, but what the hell was upsetting Michael?"**

 **"Foolish, clueless man. Why am I always the Queen Fairy sent to point Prince Charming in the right direction? Unless it's not the direction you want to be going? Just think about what Michael said to you tonight. What that says about him as a person."**

 **"He's tolerated too much of my bullshit."**

 **Emmett shook his head sadly, glad he stepped out. No wonder Michael couldn't bear the room any longer. "Michael is in love with you, dodo head! He loves you! L-O-V-Es you, Brian. The crazy, romantic, wobbly-kneed love. How do you think the past years have been for him? Watching as you fall into bed with any man who will do. All the while, waiting in the corner until you notice him. Poor baby doesn't feel like he serves any other purpose in your life then to be your friend when you need a pick-me-up. Where's Michael's portion? Given to the next warm body? Jesus, you arrogant asshole, do you even realize what you do to him? Every time you're together, the closer he thinks he'll get, but then you walk out and leave him. And every time a piece of his heart cracks off. If you don't watch out, you might lose him before you even know he's gone."**

 **I was numb from what had come out of Emmett's mouth. I knew Michael had strong feelings for me, but he had a new man in his future. The Chiropractor. Doctor David Cameron. What did Emmett mean by losing Michael for good? "I know he loves The Doc. What possible outcome would I get from meddling in the middle of that?"**

 **"I'm not going to lie. David is perfect for Michael. Michael would be stupid not fall right into David's arms and marry him when he asks. But what you don't bother to notice is that Michael isn't able to fully love anyone when he still has deep rooted emotions for you. Feelings that you've never tapped into or explored. You are what he's desired all this time. To come home to you after a hard day's work. To be the one to fight and make-up with you... until the late morning hours. He's killing time with David, Brian. Michael is so close to being yours, right now, that if you don't watch out he might take the next step with David. He'll slip through your fingers. Little by little, every relationship Michael has away from you, the further he'll grow beyond you. If you asked him, he'd drop everything to be yours."**

 **Sighing deeply at his long heavy monologue, Emmett went on to finish with his closing thoughts. "In the short, simplicity of it all, Michael wants to sit across from you at the dinner table knowing he is yours and you are his, no one else's. He got angry with your Lindsay comment because you've touched on his one fear of being with you. He can't ever give you children that are yours and his. If he could carry a child, he'd do it for you, because he loves you that much. Friends are nice, when they're convenient, but sometimes, if you're not watching carefully, they can turn out to be the One you were meant to be with. Your soul mate. You need to take care of those kinds of friends. What ties will Michael have with you once the years have passed and there's nothing there between you two but old, faded memories and stupid, sentimental photo albums to laugh over? Will you still want him around whenever you decide it's time to grow up and move on?"**

 **Emmett hated long-winded speeches himself and he had just given his least favorite person one. He was tired from the exertion. "Okay, now I am really tired. Think about what I've said. Don't let the minutes pass into hours without doing anything. Brush him off gently to send him on his way or embrace him close to your heart like you both need, Brian, but please don't leave him alone knowing you chose to do nothing, when you could have done something." He wiped sleepily at his eyes. "G'night."  
**   
************************************ 

... and so that's where I had begun earlier in this tale. I'm in Michael's bed. Contemplating the words with those palpable emotions dragging behind his voice as he continued to yell at me. My friend in the world. The blanket of safety I could count on in this counterfeit image I had spent years building around me. Suddenly I was thrown off course. Confused and frustrated by Michael futile attempts to batter me in to realizing what had been under my nose for years. Had it really taken Emmett's final pleas, so sincere and honest, to make the words finally sink in finding a tiny niche inside my stubborn head? I was unsure of how I had arrived where I am now, beside Michael in his bed, so I must review for my own sake. 

Once Emmett had returned to the shelter of his room, I was left to ponder the heartfelt explanations. Out of everything that had been uncovered tonight, my one true shock was that despite a blossoming relationship with the Good Doctor, Michael still cared for me, the way he always had for years. Maybe, hopefully, loved me? After all the shit and torture I had put their dating through, the heart that I was afraid was no longer mine could be mine. Michael's capacity to love had only expanded to include David, for however long that would last. If I wasn't careful in how I handled Michael, as he grew in his life with David, I'd lose him in the worst way possible. Then I might never be able to gain the ground I held before I had pushed him away.

People kept screaming in my face to release Michael. Allow him to flourish and become the man he was meant to be. The problem was, the more he wanted to do away from me, our old friendship became unbearably strained. If I didn't have that consistency to depend on, I was literally lost and bereft. The few occasions when David had loosened the chain far enough for Michael to have "fun" with us became ordinary and stale. Michael felt he had to be careful what he did when not around his boyfriend, afraid of the consequences. The Doc thought he had won against me like he promised. Little did he realize that when pushed to a wall, I would fight to the death. In my crazed, selfish mind, only one statement arose over and over. Michael had been mine . . . first.

Then that immediately flowed into another truth. I had fallen in love with Michael first. He would be mine. Forever, if I wanted. I was capable of loving someone other then myself. The feeling wasn't that foreign to me as it had just been laying in wait inside for the right time. The right person. This fact had never been forced close to the surface in such an underhanded way. Was it because of David's involvement and the idea he'd steal Michael away? Or was I actually learning to fall back in love with Michael on my own? How would Michael take the news? Would it be a question of better late then never, or had the moment drifted away?

The pale, naked back is two inches from my arm as I've turned to lay on my back staring at the ceiling. Thank God Michael graduated to a full sized bed. The twin mattress of our youth would just be plain torture. I can feel the intense heat of his slumbering frame beneath the covers I had crawled under on this chilly night. I'm always aware of his warmth. Enveloping me in a familiar tenderness, a oneness and a strange silent acceptance, I never found anywhere else, with anyone else. Tonight, that warmth was driving me slowly into dementia. The one reason why I wasn't able to roll over and simply fall asleep like I had done a thousand times next to Michael.

Laying in a bed together had been a staple of our friendship, but I was thinking over my new, unearthed attraction to this friend of mine. This discovery could change us indefinitely. I was holding back my last bit of strength not to climb over Michael grabbing his tight, hot, little body to mine. I could easily lose my own identity with him. I found I wasn't prepared to let go so easily, or apathetically, until I was sure. My whole life had been spent avoiding this very feeling in this very moment. I hated myself for putting my body through the torture. It wasn't possible to hate Michael for barely doing a thing to provoke my reaction except in just being Michael. I was sending my fragile system into insomnia.

I wanted to be able to get out of this bed. I needed to exit as soon as I could, but not one of my muscles would cooperate. Man, oh man, if the problem behind my dick being so hard was only to piss like a racehorse it would easily be fixed. I performed solo only when necessary. Christ there was a perfectly accessible body laying right next to me. Why couldn't I go for it? Lord, I've managed to trap myself in my friend's bed attempting to control a sexual tension unparalleled by any other man in my life. I don't want to leave.

Finally, I made a quick decision to turn on my side facing his exposed skin. If I needed a distraction, I could count every freckle, or mole, running down his relaxed spine. Though the further my eyes traveled along his back the closer I reached his flawlessly rounded ass. I shut my eyes cursing my own foolishness at introducing Michael to the skin tight underwear that fit his trim hips seductively. Not an ounce of flab showed on his delicate frame. Why couldn't he have chosen the plaid boxers Ted had given him almost every Christmas?

I'm naked, per usual for bedtime, with a woody the size of the space shuttle. If I even dared to touch myself, release the aching, I'd ruin Michael's clean sheets. Not easy to explain jerking off beside someone while they were asleep. Reopening my lids, I allowed my pupils to trail back over his boney, huddled shoulders. Small in appearance, but such strength in theory. They had been offered to me countless of times, when I barely reciprocated. I could turn to Michael, even in his worst moments, knowing my problems would soon become his. He'd hold me close to relieve my suffering while he'd simply put aside his well-being. Where had I been for Michael? He's literally a fucking genius at knowing when he's needed and "being there", when I just can't bother to worry about how anyone is doing. Damn! How could I have been such an asshole?

All right! I can't stand it any longer. I need to touch him. Reconnect with him like we had before, in the car, after leaving Babylon. I had to know that he was aware of my presence. I wanted to be reassured that what I was feeling was real. That I hadn't screwed with the friend I've ever had in my wasted life. I untucked my arm from under my side, raised it above my head, placing it along the pillows. To make each inch I moved less of a huge deal, I relaxed my head on my biceps. He never woke up from the sudden jarring of the mattress. I stretched my hand out toward him, my fingers scraped casually against the hair at the back of his head. The silky strands were soft and smooth under my moistened skin. Foolishly, and eagerly captivated, I began to comb through the short locks which caused my dick to flinch in anticipation of further exploration.

I was unable to prevent my body from seeking Michael's radiating heat. This was old hat for my system. I relaxed my pounding forehead in the tiny space left on his pillow. Nostrils flared as I inhaled his intoxicating scent. I buried my flushed face near his neck breathing him in deeply. I arranged my left arm to fit secretly under the sheets encircling his slight form, pulling him backwards, even with my front. We always fit well together, spooned in comfort as we slept. This was the first time the contact hit me so potently. After a few seconds of my tender touches, Michael began to shift his body restlessly. I paused unsure of what he'd do. Whether lost in slumber or fully awake, his reaction was to snuggle me. His rear was now perfectly outlined by my engorged hard-on. I closed my lids in utter ecstasy.

Oddly, this wasn't the worst predicament I've found myself in. I couldn't avoid Michael's quick awareness to his surroundings. If at all possible, lost in his essence, my arm reacted by tugging him tighter. Like I couldn't get him close enough. My body was in desperate need of release. I tried feigning sleep, hoping that once cuddled to Michael, I would fall asleep, but the decision evaded me once again. The boner I had acquired earlier was growing stronger then ever. I wasn't able to find a comfortable position. My dick ended up betraying me by searching for its own place right between Michael's thighs. The more I settled behind him, the worse I became. I would not be able to hide. I started to perspire due to the unsuccessful attempts to ignore my arousal and awakening body. Fucking brilliant! Now, I would be in stimulation until doomsday.

"Did you bring a salami to bed or is that for me?" Michael's sleep drenched voice broke through the forced silence.

Oh, Great! "Shit! Mikey, I thought you'd still be asleep." I wasn't really apologizing. I did feel terrible that there was a slight possibility neither of us would sleep tonight. I raised my body on my elbow to gaze down at him. He turned to face me. God, why did he have to look so fresh and amazing? He looked drowsy, but ready to crack jokes or tease me as if this was a normal everyday occurrence between us. The few new ideas I had about our relationship made me glare at him intently. What had Jos said about his own boyfriend? I see him with a new pair of eyes, I think.

"Kind of impossible to sleep when all I dream about is being stabbed, only to wake up and find it's your fault. You're making it very hard... uh, difficult to sleep in comfort." Michael thought to raise his arm to reach behind him. Brian had been close enough to connect with his bare ass. "Oh, Hello!? Brian, what happened to all your clothes?!" Michael didn't feel like removing the grip he had on the hot flesh.

"Nudity makes me sleep easier. Forgive me?"

"Sure, okay, but couldn't you have at least worn underwear or, uh, some kind of tube sock?"

Then I realized what he was complaining about and moved to separate us. "Sorry. Am I hurting you?"

"Hey!" Michael quickly snatched backwards for Brian's backside. "Where you off to?"

Damn, he slapped pretty forcefully! "Ow-ch!"

Michael fully rolled over to face Brian as he found his best friend at a loss for words. "What? What is it?"

I could only look down at the comforter. Nice pattern. Michael had good taste. "I thought... Jesus, I'm sorry, Michael... I just... I didn't mean..." I was finding the words to say slipping away from my mind. I swallowed the lump in my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? I could sell ice cubes to Eskimos, but I couldn't say what I felt to my friend.

As Michael resettled on his back, he kept hold of Brian's arm around his waist. "You all right?" His hand reached out to tenderly caress the five o'clock shadow, on Brian's cheek, usually forming the second he finished shaving. Michael grew concerned when he felt the amount of sweat collecting. He immediately pushed himself to sit. Both his hands searched Brian's face looking intensely at his darkening pupils. "Did you take something before you came to bed? Is it not agreeing with you?"

I found I couldn't escape his gaze. He read me like a book. I hadn't taken any drugs at all, in truth. I wanted to tell him what Emmett had said. I wanted to apologize for treating him so shitty for all these years. I needed him to know I didn't want to demean his feelings with my bullheaded manners. His gentle touches to my face, and through my hair, were sending me into spirals. God, I wanted to kiss him so badly I actually felt my belly aching. How do you even start to say 'I'm sorry', for years of pain caused by your own infliction? And not expect to lose your friend?

I lifted my arm from around his waist to stroke the pale skin along the side of his face with the backs of my fingers. His eyes shut briefly at the subtle caress and dropped his hands to the top of the comforter. Thankfully it wasn't anywhere near my undercover hard-on. At that very second, I had him, like every other man in my life. This was Michael. My Mikey. I should move with caution, affection and concern. "I want you." I methodically dipped my head to hover near his thickening, waiting lips. "I can't sleep, either." His pink tongue came out to wet his mouth, while mine went to scope the outline of his jaw, to the line of his ear and up to his wrinkled forehead. "I can't sleep from wanting you." My own tongue came out to leave a wet trail on the flushed skin. Michael was caught. I had him. What would I do with him?

Michael knew what Brian was about. The "come-on" was tangible. He wanted this to be real, so badly. Too many nights spent already in this bed, dreaming of this very moment. To be actualized in front of him was breathtaking. Brian, in his bed, naked and horny for him, waiting for him to make the next move. Keeping his head in Brian's steady grasp, and his hands nicely folded, he opened his eyes to stare down his fantasy lover. "So you thought what a fucking brilliant idea to wake me up to tell me? Couldn't wait until morning?"

I was losing the staring contest as Michael continued to glare at me, unflinching in his cadence. I rediscovered every plane and valley to his adorable features. The face I had seen a million times before, but never with such a lucid craving. Starting at his high broad forehead, to his perfectly formed dark eyebrows that tended to lift in opposite directions when sharing a witty, random comment, I traced his soft skin with the tough pad of my thumb. Those dark, chocolate pupils of his were what killed me. Especially when they were ripe with passion. Chocolate pudding, or a wounded puppy, is what they sappily reminded me of. I could spend hours on his eyes, but I enjoyed his mouth even more. That damn, tempting mouth of his with those lavish lips that never failed to make me desire to kiss him the moment I laid eyes on him. My thumb dropped to the tip of his chin, trailing down the slope of his neck, over his bulging Adam's Apple to hit the bones exposed around his upper chest.

There was an area of skin, just at the beginning of the chest plate, where there was a pleasing dip of bone one could play with for days. I locked onto it, rubbing nervously at the feel of flesh to bone. " I didn't want you to miss the best night of your life. Shame to sleep it away while I lay here harder then I've ever imagined being. Now, that you're up, I don't want to do anything until I've had a chance to talk to you." Had I really put conversation over sex?

"See, how terrible was that to admit? I knew about your dick all along, Brian, but forgive me about that other problem." Michael was finding it unnerving to have his dream revealed. So, Brian wanted to discuss something and Michael would have to wait for what might happen to further the situation. With the ease of a professional, Michael allowed the darkness to hide the direction his hand was taking under the sheets. To touch the flesh he wanted to feel again. Brian jerked his body back and opened his eyes wider when he felt the cool skin on his raging hot hard-on. "Could be I've found your problem, Mr. Kinney? Need any help with that?"

I was shaken by his hands on me that I nearly came right in his palm. Michael began to rub the stretched flesh back and forth attempting to get me to look at him. Eye contact was slightly difficult when I released my body to the sensations running through the lower regions. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't opened my eyes to watch as Michael had the most amazing grin flourishing over his facial features. He was glorifying in having control, for once in his life, over me. The sight of him was placing me in a higher level of ecstasy. Where would he take me if I just let go and trusted him? "I, uh... shit, Michael..." I released a groan of pleasure that sent me heading into orbit.

"Was there something you needed to talk about, Brian?"

"I seem to have my mind elsewhere right now." I really didn't care anymore. I wanted his hands more then just on my crotch. I propelled my hips toward his general direction playing along with his ministrations. "Where did you learn... to jerk off like this? For Christ sakes!" I fell back onto the mattress pulling Michael along with me as he never faltered from his dedicated task. The blankets were pushed off of us to expose our naked bodies to the cooling air. I grabbed for his head to shadow it directly over mine nipping succulently at his smiling lips. Little asshole knew just which buttons to push with me. Who had any idea Michael could be the same kind of lover as he was as a friend. His hand fit so perfectly around my swollen cock it was almost too much to think about. I could barely carry out a complete kiss, to the strength I desired, as I lost myself into the abyss of orgasmic pleasure.

I hated him not joining in on the fun. Michael looked powerful in his expert strokes to the rhythm he set to my gyrating form. He simply relaxed on his side, so close to me, allowing me to sink into passion, all alone. "Michael, stop... let go..." I tried to use my own hands to pry his off, afraid I'd totally forget where I was and who I was with.

Michael knew exactly what was going on with Brian. He was afraid. He feared that releasing all his sexual energy so freely would place him in a scarey, frightening place. He reached out to ease Brian's fear by meshing his forehead to his own. "I'm never letting go. I'm right where we both want me to be." Michael picked up his leg to crawl over Brian's prone form as he straddled him. Their foreheads never broke apart. "You let go, Brian." Michael kissed Brian's lips so delicately he almost didn't feel the other man, but he trailed his own tongue down the exposed straining neck muscles. He found the perfect place to stop on where a frantic pulse beat to the speed of Brian's quickening heart. Michael whispered against the sweaty, heated skin. "I'm here... just let go... I got you." He spoke the last words into Brian's ear. "Always."

I had no explanation to what finally sent me down the spiral of pleasure. Was it only because I hadn't been able to orgasm earlier, on my own? Or was it Michael and all his breathy vocabulary that seemed to strike an inner chord with not only my body, but my heart? He had consoled me into abandonment of my soul. I had come all over his hand and was still thrusting as he slowly eased me back from wherever I had gone. "Fuck!" I could barely catch my next breath. I felt oddly vulnerable and extremely needy to his willingness to give me fulfillment. A fool for those arms that always waited for me. "I'm sorry, Michael." I tucked my head under his face slightly embarrassed by my blatant sexual release without him. His hand came up to pet my cheek in utter shock himself. "God! That was unreal!" My chest heaved after each tuft of breath I tried to take in. And then there it was...

"Glad to be of service." Michael began to settled himself against Brian's side wrapping his arm around his waist as he quietly accepted the silence between them. He voiced his response with a light chuckle as he reached up to caress Brian's drying skin. He was using Brian as his pillow for the rest of the night.

No! Oh, no! I shut my eyes to my own ignorance. I could feel Michael's hard-on, safely hidden behind a pair of nicely formed briefs. Double damn! "Hey, Michael." I shook him to get his attention. He was pretending like he'd fallen back asleep. How could he do that? I moved myself out from under him on my side. His eyes were closed so purposefully, I felt he was trying to avoid something. "Mikey?" I called his name a second time only to get no response. He only rolled away to have his back facing me again. I shuffled over to meet our bodies and sent an arm around his chest. I felt his hardening nipples as I grabbed for his shoulder forcing him over. His head slunk to one side, still playing along that he was off in dreamland. I rubbed gentle circles around the soft flesh of his nipples, one at a time, then did the same with the tip of my tongue as he continued to remain quiet. He was mine for the taking, but I really didn't think Michael was even in his own head. "Michael?"

"What?!" Out came Michael's empty, lame reply as if Brian were interrupting something.

"What the fuck's the matter with you now?" I was unable to withstand his hot-n-cold attitude. I didn't like the unnatural way he could turn off his passion when it came to his own sexual satisfaction. "Open your eyes and fucking talk to me like a decent human being, for fuck's sake!" I now brought my body squarely over him glaring into his face as I held my frame above him. I straddled his tiny body in the hopes that my last ditch effort to get his honest attention might work. Something I had used frequently in our childhood. I flicked him on the forehead, right between the eyes.

"Ow-ch! That hurt, you shit!" Michael put a palm up to stop the stinging.

"Good!"

"Why did you do that?"

"I got what I wanted, didn't I? You finally opened your fucking eyes." Michael was squirming under me to get up from his prone position, but I wasn't willing to let things fall to the wayside so easily. He wasn't able to run from me. I pinned his hands above his head so he would be forced to have to look directly at me. "We need to discuss what's been bothering us all night, Michael. Tell me what you're thinking right now."

~~TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

"Wishing I had one hand back to punch the shit out of you!" 

"Good. Anger. I got that. Come on, there's got to be more... like the truth." With my legs on either side of his fidgeting hips, I squished him sitting on his thighs. He was a wiggly sucker.

"You can't handle the truth!" Michael strained from the restraints put on him by Brian. Shit, all he wanted to do was get some rest. What was bothering Brian so much that he had to know everything tonight?

"You watch too many fucking movies, Mikey. Let's talk about what you started out in your living room."

"You'll have to remind me. Head gets muddled in old age."

"You'll only be thirty."

"Yeah, well so will you, in a few months. You don't age as peacefully as I do."

"Stop changing the subject. About Lindsay... Gus."

"I love Gus."

"That's not my point. What about Linds?"

"What about that Good Ole Girlie, Linds?" Michael hated the way his voice sounded as he spewed the words out. Damn!

"Michael? Are you jealous?" I thought by his tone I might need to help him along in his explanation.

"What? Where do you get that idea?"

"Please, Michael... you're speaking it in volumes. I've never known you to have a jealous bone in your body for anyone." I intentionally slunk my body down to rub along his, then rest myself on top of him. I could feel his erratic heartbeats as he became further enraged.

"I'm not... I can't be... it isn't right." Michael gave up fighting as he felt Brian draw closer to him. He lay back defenseless and open for the picking. He was so tired of hiding behind feelings that he knew Brian would never reciprocate. He couldn't do it any longer. He didn't have the stamina for what it would drain out of him. Why couldn't he drop Brian when he had a perfectly good man waiting for him in David?

"Michael, stop."

"Stop what?"

"Hiding behind your feelings. Emmett said..."

"Em did what?" Michael became revived to fight against Brian's restraints again. "Let me go, Brian."

"Why, so you can kick Emmett's ass? I have to give him credit. He cares about you. He did you a big favor."

"Yeah, that Em. What a good friend he was. I'll miss him."

"You don't mean that. You don't have one evil bone in your hot, sexy body."

"All a cover. To protect my secret identity from those out to get me."

"Nobody's out to get you, Mikey. That's what I'm here for."

"For what exactly? Occasional mind-numbing hand jobs and casual pecks on the cheek? You have never once wondered how I would be in the bedroom."

"Yeah, so. Keeps the mystery alive. What's wrong with that?"

"Right! So why don't you let me the fuck up and we can go about our old business. Petting, kissing and caressing each other with no sign of sex in the future. Let's fall asleep like good little boys and be well-rested for our hard-working jobs in the morning."

"You think I'm such a selfish bastard that I can easily forget what you said. As if what you feel doesn't matter?" I was shaken to the core that Michael thought so little of me.

"Does it, Brian? 'Cause it never seemed to before."

"I've never had your feelings explained to me in quite that fashion. Usually when people are angry, yelling at the top of their lungs, I have a good idea why. When you just allow those things you said to sit there... neglected..."

Michael could no longer bear Brian's intense stare toward his eyes. He closed them in complete embarrassment. "I told you to forget I ever said a word."

"Nope. Sorry. Can't do that." I felt more comfortable in releasing my vise grip on Michael's arms, but I continued to keep my weight on his body holding him down to the mattress. "Michael, I honestly never thought you could feel that strongly about me. For you to reach so deep inside yourself to come out with that comment. 'If you could carry my child.' My child... my son... my flesh-n-blood... my legacy... my seed... is, to me, profound and deeply moving."

Michael reopened his lids to look plainly into Brian's beautiful hazel eyes that he'd adored for years. "What would you have done had you known what you know now? Huh? Where would we have gone? Still best friends? What makes tonight any different? Isn't it possible that you could just go about doing the same like I was any other man you would have brought home for the evening?"

I was sucker punched to the gut. Everything out of Michael's mouth was right. Though now I was willing to do something about the problem if he'd let me. Wasn't that a step in the right direction? "No. You know me better then that." I adamantly shook my head to voice my certainty. "Not possible. You're Michael." It burdened my heart to know that Michael would never be able to see what he looked like through someone else's eyes. Like me, he would always question why he'd been born. His purpose for existing. Funny, I found my answer laying right under me. I wasn't about ready to let him out of my sight.

Michael screwed up his face in bewilderment. "And what does that mean?"

"It's just you, Michael. The difference between you and some random trick is it will always be you... and only you. No games. No score to settle. No baggage. No stupid quirks. No criticisms. Nothing, but you and your steadfast heart. Your soul. Your joy for life. Your humor. Your laugh. As well as your enchanting smile." My fingers moved to run their pads over the delicate lips. I didn't want to reveal too much of what was going on inside, emotions boiling deep within. "You don't know what you do for people, who walk in and out of your life, that makes you so irreplaceable... do you?" The emotions were too new for even my own head to wrap around. How could I tell Michael about them when I didn't feel right about any of it? I had to know he was feeling better about himself.

"Hum a few more bars... I might be able to figure out things from there." Slowly but surely, Michael was growing slightly more approachable as Brian spoke. He watched as Brian turned his head away for a fraction of a second, then came back to rest upon his arm on Michael's chest. Now, their heads were level with each another and their eyes blended across as one. What Brian had to say was going to be a doozy, Michael needed to be prepared.

"Jesus, Mikey, the way you are with people drains me. You've been this way since we were fourteen. The bottomless capacity inside of you to love and care for your fellow man, or woman, leaves me breathless. Like at Babylon with Jos. All you saw was a man on the verge of becoming emotionally unstable, a person you barely knew, and you reached out to touch him. Eased his pain. Made him feel okay with the silly test he'd been doing for his boyfriend." I turned my head to relax against my biceps able to look at Michael as he listen intently to what I said. "The way you are with Debbie." I rolled my eyes to stress a point. Michael chuckled at the usual reaction that came to both our minds at the mention of his mother.

"Mikey, she drives me fucking batty. Your unconditional love for her makes me envious and warms my frozen heart. It's so obvious you adore her despite her unconstrained love for you. You embrace her even though she'd no soon turn around to do something foolish or make you feel embarrassed. Don't even get me started on Emmett and Ted. Those two so need to get a life, but you manage to treat them like long lost brothers. You allow them the space to fuck up their lives, always assuring them you'll be there if they need you. You sacrifice too much of your soul for those you care about, but I don't ever hear you bitch and moan when you never get a chance to be consoled." I inhaled his scent as if I needed incentive to continue. My problems weren't important until Michael heard what I had to say. Only the things I allowed beyond my lips were never what I was actually thinking. I was still unprepared to speak my real truth.

"I know you've done that for me too many times to count. And yet... here you are." I began to stir our bodies together wondering if he was easily enticed. I worked my legs to fit in between his thighs looping his legs around my waist. "Minutes ago, you gave me the most explosive orgasm I've had in years. You were willing to lay right here, unsatisfied, with the hardest cock I've felt in awhile. That's what 'Michael' means to me." I was nearly out of breath from my confessions and honestly scared out of my wits to reveal such deep rooted feelings. With Michael, I was always wary of sharing emotions with him because half the time I opened my mouth around him the "bullshit" meter he'd acquired would turn on. He didn't reply for three minutes. I had knocked him speechless. I didn't know if what I had said was absorbed by his ears.

Michael felt overwhelmed by the words pouring out of Brian's delectable mouth. For too many years, he'd been waiting for a simple inkling of the very sentiments exposed. Brian remained posturing himself on his chest. Their faces were only a short distance from one another. Michael managed to lift his head tilting forward closer to Brian' lingering, willing lips. He bit cautiously at the ripened skin as if Brian would blow away in a puff of smoke. Like in every dream he'd had about him since their friendship began. Michael's breathing grew labored and erratic once he felt the return pressure of Brian's mouth as he ground them into his own. My God, he really was here. Michael felt like crying like a baby. Steadily, he reached out to cup Brian's strong jaw in his hands. Good Lord , what was he getting himself into?

"Hey!" I managed to choke out between Michael's passionate attacks toward our smooching session. I knew I liked kissing him, but this night was showing me a new realm of possibilities. How could one simple kiss drive me to orgasm? "Slow down." I giggled like a little girl at his frantic attention. "Mike..." I couldn't even finish my thought completely as he, literally, devoured me into submission. "Jeee-... susss..." If anyone had told me this much fire was inside of Michael, I never would have believed them.

As he continued to take small bites of my mouth, he began to push me to roll over onto my back. Damn! I could enjoy the sexual romp in bed if I was promised this very replay every single night of my life. I allowed him the freedom to do what he wished to me. He finished with my lips to trail slowly down my neck, over the area of my upper chest, across my puckered nipples and down to my clenching abdomen. He was getting closer to where I wanted him to be, but he was still clothed in his underwear. Sexy as he was, I needed him naked. I had meant to stop him eventually, but he did that step on his own.

He looked as if he was shaking his mind clear of some muddled thoughts. Michael readjusted his small frame to hang over my torso while his eyes peered at me in a peculiar trance. He was moving to settle his hips to cradle inside the center of my open thighs which allowed for our matching engorged cocks to touch. Mine to his soft, hidden one in the cloth of his briefs. God, the sensations churning within my belly were driving me insane.

"I can't let this go further until we understand each other... or until you understand something." Michael didn't know how he was able to pause in the middle of Brian's clutches. Though he'd yearned for this very moment, somehow the time just didn't feel right, no matter how turned on they both felt.

I was the one caught now. Michael had me, like I had him minutes ago. "What is it?" I wanted to touch him, but he'd cleverly trapped my arms to my sides. Kinky! I noticed a determination falling over his features that kept me from moving. I sensed that this was taking up a lot of his energy to hold back this way. I was willing to listen and hear anything he had to say.

"I need for you to listen. No touching. No kissing. And absolutely no fucking until I've said my piece. Got it?"

Michael's mind had been set on an emotional level while I was functioning on a sexual one. I was in for it! I had to catch the fuck up or be left behind, cold and alone. "Uh, yeah... sure..." Once he got my abstinence secured, Michael loosened his hold away from my forearms. I thought he was about to fully lift his body off of me, to remove his incredible warmth away, so I blindly grabbed for him. As my hands flew in the air, I only discovered he had meant to settle his body over mine. He laced his arms across the middle of my chest resting his chin on them as he stared directly into my face. This was one of his infamous poses. The "Let's talk" pose which he used with me for years. If I was patient I would learn everything, and anything, that had been plaguing Michael's manic mind. I had promised him I'd stay still, but I craved to be able to touch him. I'd be a good boy and behave, for now.

"What exactly are we doing here, Brian?"

I couldn't contain my grin. "I thought that would be fairly obvious." I held open my arms to show how naked I still was.

"Yeah, awfully insightful of you, Nasty Boy. But... is that all? After tonight what occurs next?" Michael's face slipped so readily from hilarity to seriousness. He wondered if he could get Brian back on the same level. "And don't say sleep, waking up and going to work or, so help me God, I will smack you!"

I laughed through my anxiety. I knew what Michael wanted to hear. I couldn't gather the courage to admit to anything beyond this bed. Something that was real, unless I was assured of not getting hurt in the process. I was a fool to think that was impossible, but I needed Michael to promise me one thing. Was he strong enough to meet my challenge? He already had years to perfect his emotions, I was a newbie. "If I told you what you wanted to hear, Michael, how can I be certain that David wouldn't come in with a better offer?"

Michael was comforted by what Brian said. Something had been resolved inside of Brian tonight but his fears led him down roads he wasn't ready to walk away from. They were safe for him to choose. "I could say the same thing about Boy Wonder."

"Justin?" I knew of this jealousy with Justin that Michael harbored, but he truly had nothing to worry about. My days with the young man were numbered. Whatever was between Michael and I was stronger. Why couldn't he believe in that? Trust in me? Oh, wait, I knew why. "Look, Mikey, you're not some trick I picked up in a darkened alley behind Babylon. You're precious to me." I was unable to resist the need to comfort him. I moved to shape his beloved face in my hands slowly drawing him up further on my chest so our heads matched in alignment. Saying too much now would scare Michael away or he wouldn't be able to take what I told him to heart. Know I was trying to appease his heartache. "What else is there to say?"

"I know you. This isn't your scene. Seduction and romance. You treat it like something you're allergic to. How am I to know that what's here, with us now, is anything different?"

I was torn. If I said one word of my feelings, he'd laugh in my face, but if I said nothing, he'd run from my arms. Which one was I willing to face? I set my head back into the pillow trying to make it difficult for him to see my eyes. They said more then I was able to voice. I felt him adjust his body to look at me, so my lids quickly shut as I pretended disinterest. "Can't we allow what's happening to just happen? No questions. No heavy analyzations. No guarantees."

Michael knew Brian was holding back the truth because he was avoiding eye contact. Things were about to change between them, if only Brian could put a little faith in him. Believing that letting go, in all capacities, would free his soul from such self-imposed turmoil. Was sixteen years long enough? Was it fair to force Brian to face the same emotions he'd been suffering with for years? "I don't shut down like you, Brian. I exist only to question my surroundings. I'm naturally curious. You know that. I can't be like you, coast through life on a whim. Excuse me for being selfish for wanting the person in my bed to only want me. I'd like to be remembered for more then just being a good friend. How can you ask me to be any different?"

I was in an awkward place. Michael said words I knew were true. It didn't sound like he was giving up on me, though, which was encouraging. I lifted a finger to send it on a tiny walk down his face. "No one could forget you, Michael." Conversations in bed generally softened me, but when Michael and I discussed things I knew I was in for a ride. We challenged each other in our lives and choices we made, debated over issues that were important to us, but that never turned us off or soured our relationship. Talking in bed with him, while stimulated beyond imagination, was even more invigorating. "Especially the way you are tonight."

A tiny smirk escaped from the side of Michael's mouth. "Thanks, I guess." The smile disappeared as he thought how the night would end for him. No new ground broken with Brian. He almost had to ask if he ever would? One last ditch effort wasn't too much to ask. "Brian, through all these years we've been closer then most brothers, been there for one another in ways most lovers never achieve... why do you think that is?"

I knew I shouldn't have immediately spoken until I had a complete thought in my head, but I opened my big mouth. "Hopefully, we'll never be brothers... and for sure, I never imagined you as a lover..."

"Oh." The one syllable fell lost, faint, in the air. Hard to believe his heart could break so much in one night. Michael began to pull away from Brian in more ways then one.

And there it was. My ruination. I could speak fake truths that hurt those that meant the world to me. Only I wanted to take back the words to fix them to what I had meant to say. Brothers don't fall in love, give each other hand jobs and have incredible orgasms together. Well, some do, but I don't get into that kind of scene. The only reason I hadn't imagined Michael as a lover was because it was safer for me to distance him then to wonder. He couldn't hurt me. I wasn't about to hurt him so he could hate me. "Hey!" He was beyond my grasp moving to sit on the side of the bed. "Shit! Michael, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I barely finished what I was saying."

"Depends on whom it's being said to, Brian." His shoulders slumped forward as he became dejected, and rejected, for the umpteenth time.

I was growing drained from these emotionally charged moments with Michael. We were a perfect pair. Both scared shitless of revealing what we really wanted to say. I needed to hear him say those words out of his own mouth, not through Emmett's. I didn't want to be the only schmuck baring my inner most secrets. "So, that's it? That's where you wanna leave things?" I tugged the blankets over me as I sat up to lean against the headboard. I gathered the material over my visible erection arranging things so that it wouldn't be a distraction.

"Sorry to disappoint you." Michael pulled his pillow to his chest getting up from the bed. "I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be taking the couch, so have a good night's sleep." He rubbed an unsteady hand over his bed tousled head. Quietly and without looking back at Brian once, he made his way through one door.

Apparently that was it. How could he walk away so easily turning a cold shoulder on me? This was what it felt like to be ignored while trying to talk to someone? Rejection was usually coming from my side. Michael and I had been closer to sex then ever. I had watched him walk so carefully to the door and shut the panel blocking any chance of me being given an invitation to follow. Never stopped me before. Fuck! What the hell was going on? Was I dismissed? Would he expect me to actually sleep, now? Or was he just being too sweet about not asking me to leave?

I was pissed that he wasn't giving me a fair deal. Thinking I'd lump him with every other no-name fuck in my life. I loved Michael as a friend, but discovering this new version, one I could possibly build a future with, a deeper love was creating itself. Oh, yeah, the hand job was scandalous, but Jesus, if Michael would relax and chill things could be taken to other levels. He knew I didn't share my feelings at the drop of a hat. Why did he want me to change? I was scared to allow him to have that much control over me. That kind of power usually went to peoples' heads. Brian Kinney powerless under Michael Novotny. And folks in Hell were asking for jackets. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of even thinking he had gained the upper hand. I admit to being confused, shaken by the amount of passion in Michael, but sitting on my ass waiting for him to return was something I didn't do normally. Glancing around the room, I noticed a pair of sweats hanging out of a dresser drawer. I jumped off the mattress, fully aware I swung free, but quickly clothed my legs in the soft fleece. I didn't fear wandering eyes, like Emmett's, but the night hadn't gotten any warmer. I exited the bedroom following the sounds of the running water.

I didn't knock when I entered the bathroom. Hot, murky steam billowed out around the door as I peeked in, sure I'd find Michael naked behind the shower curtain. Instead, he was sitting, huddled into himself, on the toilet lid. The briefs were still on and the shower ran behind him. "Jesus, Mikey, it's like a fucking sauna in here." I grabbed for a towel on the rack to throw him as I reached around the plastic curtain to shut off the valve. "Explain this to me very slowly."

Like a champ, Michael rose from his position lifting his head as he wiped at the perspiration on his face. "I'd forgotten I showered before we went out."

I chuckled at Michael's absurdity. "How the hell do you forget something like that?"

"Easily! You prick!" Michael bellowed at Brian while pushing him to fall flat to the wet tile. He threw the towel in frustration. "I had to figure a way to leave the room. To get away from you."

I blinked my eyes to clear the fog surrounding the tiny space we were in. Michael's face was reddening by the steam, but I was unaware of what had gone on before I interrupted him. That was until he paced to the sink, wiping a streak across the cloudy mirror. "All you have to do is tell me to go, Mikey. Say something."

"No." Michael rested his hands on the sink's edge, hanging his head in sadness. "I don't want you to go. I just didn't want you, or anyone else, to see me like this."

Like what?, I wondered. I tried to see Michael's reflection in the streaky mirror. I figured it out once he found himself looking at me looking at him. He'd been crying when I forced my way in. Like some little boy in his own sorrow. Shit! Now, I felt lower then dirt to know I'd been the asshole who'd made him this way. "Christ! Mikey!" I paced up to him wrapping the huge towel around his shoulders, like a cape. I pulled the two corners of a seam together in my hands dragging him to confront my face. The fold trapped him for me nicely. "You little shit . . . why did you feel you had to run away and hide from me?" He placed the flat of his flushed cheek on my chest tucking his head under my chin. He needed me to comfort him. I used the back of the material to wipe at random water droplets falling down from his hair onto his moistening skin. I placed a gentle kiss to his wet hair. He moved his head to peer his bloodshot, muddy brown eyes in my direction, slightly shamed.

"Nnn... I don't know." Michael thought what a sad comment to remark, but it was about all he could get out.

I wanted him closer for our foreheads to rest against each other. Our silent signal that things were back on track between us. "Yes, you do."

"Honestly, would you have cared?"

"Why are you being this way with me?! We're..."

"What?" Michael picked up his head renewed in his anger. "Best buds? A little too late for that, now, isn't it?"

"How can you do that?" I wanted to shake him roughly getting him to admit things we both were afraid to say.

"What? Tell the truth?"

"Truth? What truth? You haven't told me a damn thing!" I was upset by his blatant rudeness. This wasn't like Michael. Maybe I had lost him earlier in the evening then I thought.

"Nothing I say right now will change anything between us."

"You are so wrong, Mikey." I awkwardly hugged him to me with one arm. He hung off me like a rag doll, in pure exhaustion. "They've changed and will keep changing. You're just not willing to admit to them."

Michael pushed off of Brian to squint at him in bewilderment. "You think one explosive hand job's gonna change our sixteen-year friendship? I'd hate to ask what fucking would do."

"Go ahead. I dare you."

An inquisitive, dark eyebrow rose in a teasing manner. "Fuck you?"

Shit! My Mikey was still there all this time. He'd never left me. He was just this improved version. "What in the hell am I gonna do with you, Michael?" I set him down on his feet unprepared for the emotion he made me feel as I stared at him when the fog finally cleared.

"Brian, really, there's no need to beg." Michael put a hand to Brian in a preventive measure to stop him from rushing at him.

I couldn't help but crack up at his attempt to be suave and sexy. I bit my lip hoping for the right answer to my question. "Would you?"

Michael shrugged gazing down at the floor self-consciously. "Who's asking? Best friend or lover?"

I picked Michael back up in his handmade towel trap. "Both, I hope." With one hand, I traced the path of a single water droplet from his hairline to the slope of his neck. "I'm getting hard, again. Here with you... because of you..." I rested my lips barely touching his pursing ones.

Michael connected his hips with Brian's as he felt the hardening cock through the sweat pants. "All for me. Again. I never believed you'd be this excited by little ole me." He rubbed at the material wondering what would happen next. He blew the words right into Brian's open mouth. "How long can I count on this to last?'

Michael was completely shuddering in my grasp and I was thrilled by his attentions to my groin. "Until tomorrow... we'll see..."

"Uh, Brian..." Holding up his metallic, impeccable wristwatch for them both to see, Michael answered. "Technically it's been tomorrow for quite awhile."

"Hmm. Wow! Then we already should know."

"What do we know?"

"You don't know?"

"Uh, remind me again."

I wrapped both my arms around his trim waist to draw him closer. "You know me, Mikey. I usually don't spend more then a few sheltered hours with men who pass through my life. We've been together half our lives... I..." I attempted to voice what I was feeling but tripped over every word.

"Look, Brian..." Michael sighed deeply as his eyes fell at half-mast. He had to swallow past the lump in his throat. "Please, don't feel obligated to make me any promises we both know you won't keep." He gently rubbed at Brian's bare biceps, showing a strange calming effect to the conversation.

"Michael..." Michael's arms came around me as I held him close to my trembling frame. "I think, for once, this might be the one promise I can keep." I removed the towel from Michael's body knowing we needed to let the bathroom air out. "Come on. I'm taking you back to bed." I turned him to face the door placing a hand on his shoulder. I shut the light off as we both exited the steamy room. Retracing our steps back to Michael's bedroom, I picked up his pillow along the way. Oddly, I felt at ease with what had been said, so far. Though there were much weightier issues to discuss later, I was still wondrously confident. Once safely shut inside, I walked Michael backwards to the side of the bed.

Michael pivoted to face me, just as I pushed at his chest to fall onto the mattress. His skinny legs dangled over the edge as he giggled like a little boy as he bounced. I'll admit, for years, I'd been curious. That one suspended moment of time, the Swayze Incident, on his childhood bed. I'd only gotten so far... nearly touched his heated skin, felt his stiffening cock as I undid three, or four, buttons of his jeans with my shaking eager hand before his Mom busted in on us. One taste, the possibility of more... was incomparable to what I had in my eyesight now. He was sprawled on his back waiting for me to approach him with my sexual expertise. I couldn't make the fact click in my head that I wasn't dreaming.

I quickly drew the pair of sweat pants off as I threw the pillow to the floor and fell to my knees. I pulled at the skintight underwear leaving his fully naked body exposed to my eye in all its glory. He was absolutely earthshattering and beautiful. Had I been wishing for this moment all my life? It sure felt like it. Often I had instant gratification by the strange men I fucked, but this man, my friend... was he the one to fulfill my fantasies? Those dreams that pleasured me through many a troubled night, or aroused me, quickening my pulse leaving me to wake in a cold sweat? "That's looks painful. I might know of a way to help you out with that problem." I gestured to his engorged cock raising to attention.

Michael's eyes widened before they shut swiftly as he released his body into Brian's attentive hands willing to sense every tingle jolting through his system. Brian seemed transfixed upon the pale, soft flesh that was always warm to touch as he maneuvered Michael's legs around his torso. Taking the hips with special care, Brian centered himself in a perfect spot for access to every part of Michael. A tiny moan of pleasure was made at the gentle fondling and the tiny speck of anticipating any move from Brian. Watching through half opened lids, he caught Brian staring up at him over his lashes. "Christ!" He planted an arm over his face as he forced himself not to ejaculate too early. What a bummer that would be.

Jesus, I had no idea what to do first. I licked around Michael's abdomen and eyed him grabbing for the bed linen under him to keep from screaming. This would be the first time I'd ever been with a man and kept a stupid grin on my face the whole time. I trailed a line down to his dark curling pubic hair rubbing my cheek against his dick as it increasingly grew the closer I got. I began to place a delicate kiss to the leaking tip along the slender shaft to the nest of hair. Inhaling his primal scent was intoxicating, reminding me this was all Michael. That knowledge in my head, I eagerly took him into my mouth with tender care and ease. His breaths were coming in sharply through his clenched teeth, then drew out as I continued to swallow his heavenly organ. One of my hands sneaked around to trace the crease between his rounded ass. I craved to caress every available curve and crevice of his delectable body.

"Shit, Brian!" The words sounded like Michael might be angry or pissed. He craned his head backwards sensing sharp spasms of intense awareness. He tried to allow Brian every chance to finish what he had begun. "Oh, man! That feels so fuckin' good!"

In and out... back and forth... Michael rocked his hips in a tempo to match my sucking motions until he felt the stirring of an explosive orgasm. I had tasted his pre-cum from the smooth tip. He was splendidly delicious to my experienced mouth. Rarely did I give blow jobs in bed, I was more apt to receive them. Tonight, though, was different in every way. I couldn't feast on him long enough. My conscience kicked in and I realized I wasn't about to allow Michael to come apart alone. I wanted to join him in the journey. I rose from the floor kissing every exposed piece of flesh I found as I crawled over his undulating form. I planted one leg in between his thighs to give him something to rub against as I reached out to cup the side of his face. The hand of his that had once held sheets flittered around my genitals. I found I liked a bed partner who knew exactly what I wanted the very second the thought entered my mind.

We shared a tender smile of acknowledgment as I leaned in to place a kiss to his waiting lips and splayed my hand down his heaving chest to end at his throbbing cock. We settled into an even rhythm keeping our gazes locked on one another. Chocolate brown to hazel. I had to shut my eyes in ecstasy before I spoke. "Christ! Did you know it would be like this?" My forehead fell to his in our usual move.

"I wanted it to be... everything." Michael choked out the last word into Brian's skin.

"Well... ?" I tried gazing into his eyes, which only worked slightly as we both were driving the other into fits of pleasure. How odd that we could carry on a conversation in the middle of all this sex.

"It's damn close." His lips parted on one moment of pure gratification so Brian bent to take a small sample of his swollen, glistening mouth. He surrendered to Brian and returned his tongue with a force of unbridled passion.

The peaks of sexual release Michael was sending me into were powerful enough to unbend years of shutting my soul down from whomever I decided to share my body with. They were usually strangers, not the man who knew me better then I did. My heart jumped at the thought of this very moment repeated every day shared with Michael. If only I took the initiative to jump blindly. For too long, he had been mine. I had denied myself this pleasure in my petty existence. Who was pathetic, now?

"Are you ready?" Our mouths were now inches from the other, each breath taken, then exhaled, was spread within that short distance.

Michael raised his eyes to Brian's intense gaze. "Just about. You?"

"God, yeah! I don't... know... if..." The closer I was to climaxing the more I found my throat clutched in silence. I was under the spell of Michael talented hands. "Shit! I'm here!" Hips began to gyrate of their own free will as we both let go to concentrate on our bodies merging. The slick, sweaty skin smacking together in unison. We attempted to kiss while in the midst of our release, but failed to make direct contact loosely attached to the other's lips. We bit and munched at flesh fumbling awkwardly. The most raw, pure and erotic form of kissing I'd ever experienced in my life. Why God made human beings for loving each other.

"I'm here... with you!" Michael had to break his kiss with Brian as he felt overcome with an intense orgasm. His head fell back among the bed sheets and comforter to leave his straining neck muscles exposed as one tidal wave after another struck him in currents.

After a final thrust toward Michael, I spilled my seed over his flat abdomen. "Oh, God! Mikey!"

I missed his lips as I crunched down to draw my mouth along the thick nerves erratically beating within the white flesh of his neck. I tucked him to my frame with one hand rolling us over to lay on the bed in the correct position. I latched on to his pumping hips as he rode out the last of his orgasm over me. Limp and exhausted, he collapsed under the severe pressure of holding his body suspended over mine. He lay sprawled on top of me. I held him close in my embrace and shuddered when I felt the mixture of tears and perspiration rain down on my heated skin. I thought I had hurt him somehow. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I continued to chant as I hugged him to my body placing gentle kisses all over his face.

Michael put up a trembling hand to stop Brian from speaking further. "Sshh... stop." He knew he was scaring Brian with his flighty emotions. "I'm okay. I just..." Michael tried to find the words for what had happened. His forehead meshed with Brian's wet skin. "I feel..."

"Ill? Like you're gonna throw up?"

Michael giggled like a child. "Happy. You?"

I couldn't help the grin from slipping past my lips. "Is it always like this with you, Michael Novotny?" I cradled his body to my chest rubbing the pattern of moisture down his spine as I felt his heart racing against my own. I chuckled as I distinctly heard a "purr" come out of Michael. I pressed a kiss to the cheek laying on my shoulder as my heavy breathing blew into his ear. Normally once I'd been satisfied, the line would be drawn in bed. Our stomachs were both caked with our juices mingling as one. Felt dirty, sticky even, but the idea was sexy at the same time. This was Michael. I slept beside him for years. Our bodies attracted like magnets as we slept. I was shocked to learn, through the multitude of sexual partners I'd had, none could compare to the levels Michael had taken me. I couldn't even begin to imagine what being inside of him, as we made love, would do. Probably kill me.

Had I just said "love"? Make love? Not fucking or screwing? Shit, I might be growing up despite myself.

Michael's own breath blew out in bursts over Brian's drying skin. He raised his torso to arrange his body to gaze into those glorious hazel eyes. "Willing to tough it to find out?" He ran a single finger over Brian's chest drawing imaginary patterns across the naked flesh.

In that simple gaze, I could see a glimmer of emotions so deep and revealing, I almost began to cry. I was Brian Kinney. I had a reputation to live up to. I broke hearts every day. I was ruler of my own sexual fantasy and king of one night stands. I had men much stronger and beautiful then Michael crumble like babies in my hands. A few hours of pleasure and I could forget them. Secretly wishing they'd fade into the walls so I didn't have to admit to another faceless encounter. Dating was the end of good sex. Monogamy was only a high scoring word in Scrabble for me. Serious relationships and living together were for straight couples, lesbians and the occasional crazy gay man. I had lived by a code of conduct that was the very backbone of who I was as a person. But certain things were invading my path like warning signs along a rocky mountain road. The first being my Sonny Boy. Now, Michael.

We both would turn the big 3-0 this year. I was running scared by the cage I had managed to hook up by my own design. I pushed people away often figuring I was saving them the pain of me hurting them. I had done it countless of times to Michael. Suddenly, I wanted desperately to be the sappy, sentimental fool who wanted to be by his side as often as possible. I reached out a hand to caress his face running a thumb under his thickened lower lip. "I hear something in your voice that you're not saying. What's the offer?"

Michael shrugged his thin shoulders. "I'm feeling generous. A way out, if you need it."

"What do you mean?" My mouth gaped open as my heart momentarily stopped beating. His willingness to sacrifice his own heart so I could safely escape was blinding to my eyes. Did I dare to take him up on his offer? Always finding me shelter to lay my head and an understanding heart that knew no bounds despite his own pain. I didn't know if I wanted to hide away so easily any longer.

"You've given me more then the fantasies in my head could ever fulfill. I know I'm not the type of man single gay men seek out. That's all right. I've learned to cope. Despite all that's been said tonight, I'm not expecting to be romanced and seduced. I know there might never be a repeat performance, either. Strangely, I'm good with that prospect. I won't force you to bang your head against a brick wall to please me. Allow the night to be just what it is." Michael inched back up Brian's form to kiss the drenched skin on his forehead where the hair plastered haphazardly against the drops.

My eyes stared ahead out of focus. My dependable safety net was where it always would be. I was beginning to wish I didn't coast through someone's life. I wanted to be valued by another person. Why couldn't that person be Michael? "Why are you doing this? Why do you want me to leave as if I was never here at all?"

"I know you. And you'd grow to hate me for what I did. Be honest with me at least."

I was pissed, slightly put off. I would never think to kick him to the curb. "Oh, really?! Is this something better suited for the Good Doctor Dave? Shit! How do you think it makes me feel when you say shit like that about me?" I wanted to hit something, but not Michael. I wasn't like my father, Jack. I decided not to be like my Dear Old Pop while I had been crouched, huddled like a shadow, along the wall taking Jack's rages at my face and chest.

Michael released a long sigh, smacked a quick peck to Brian's mouth moving to burrow a nesting place at his side. He knew he wouldn't be awake much longer. "Brian, it's no news to you, the way you are. You've been like this for years. Why change now?" His voice was sounding distant and slurred.

I wrapped him securely to my chest repositioning our bodies on the mattress. With our heads on the pillow, I grabbed for the thin sheets and the thick comforter pulling them over our gradually cooling flesh. Michael shut his eyes on a lengthy release of breath slowly growing limp in my grasp. I cupped a hand near the nape of Michael's neck starting to rub idly massaging his tender scalp. Yeah, this image was working so well for me. Why would I want to do anything different? The idea of permanence with Michael was not my style. But . . . What if the one thing I had been running from was the very thing I needed? Always wanted and dreamed about in my lonely bed at night? I felt the puffs of air on the bare skin of my throat that told me Michael was out. My hand trailed down to caress his supple back tracing the muscles with care. I enjoyed the sensations of his warmth mingled with mine. Our legs tangled in the afterglow of sex giving me an odd sense of serenity and of being protected. I didn't have any desire to be anywhere but where I was.

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~THE END 

 


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